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So once upon a time, some eight years ago (whoah, really didn't think it has been so long already. I feel old now) an angsty Finnish teenaged girl made a blog on Livejournal. In it, she wrote about all the angsty things that teenagers then to write about. And also about some non-angsty as well. Pretty much everything from fangirling obsessively to contemplating the meaning of life. The usual stuff.
Anyway, years went by and the blog saw her through high school, the divorce of her parents, getting diagnosed with depression and being hospitalized for it for the first time. And also the good stuff, graduating high school, the road to defining her sexuality, moving on her own, the start of a first serious relationship. Things that make a life, basically.
And then little over three years ago, the blog went dead silent. It wasn't sudden or probably entirely unexpected, as the updates had been coming with less and less frequency. There wasn't any particular reason for it. At least not one that can't be labeled under the all consuming banner of Real Life. It happens.
And yes, that Finnish girl was me. Personally, I never really considered the blog dead, even if the latest entry in it is from february 2009. I mean, I always meant to get back to it. Someday. I never even made any kind of conscious decision to put it on hiatus. But the fact remains, that I never did get around to it.
But then a couple of weeks ago, mostly out of sheer boredom, I ended up making myself a tumblr account. One thing lead to another, and before I knew it, I was logging on at least daily, following blogs and tags and what have you. I even wrote a blog entry! For the first time in over three years. And while doing all off this, I remembered all the things I had liked about blogging and having an active net life, outside of having twenty+ friends on facebook.
And so finally I came to decide to give this blogging thing another try. But how and where? I suppose the easiest thing to do, would've probably been to just take up using my old livejournal account again. It is still active after all. But more I though about that, more uncomfortable with the idea I got. The thing is, during those three years that I wasn't using that account, a lot of things happened, that shaped the way I see and define my self. One of those was my depression diagnosis getting changed to that of bipolarity disorder. The other one was accepting myself as a transgender male.
All in all, it just came down to not being even remotely the same person I was when I first made that account. I'm not even the same one I was when I made what was to become the last post made to it. And while I'd never consider deleting or purging that account, because I want to keep the memories of being that person, I can't bring myself to actively using it anymore, since it feels like trying to bring life back to something that has earned to be allowed to rest in peace. So finally I decided to start over completely from starch. And that's how this account came in to being.
Someone might ask, why start with all that. But the thing is, for me, the beginning is always the hardest part. During the years between then and now, there actually was one or two attempts of starting a completely new blog somewhere else, which never amounted to anything, simply because I didn't know where to start. So, why not start with how things ended. It seemed logical enough. It is after all, much easier trying to see where you're going, once you know where you've been.
Now all that remains, is the actual issue of where the hell I am indeed going. Mostly I except there to be huge amounts of nerding and fanboying over all of those Larger than Life things like movies, hockey, tv show and what not. Beyond that, my f-t-m reassignment process is about to start in the fall at the latest, so I'm trying to keep this blog up to date on that. So there'll probably be writings on Finnish health care, gender theory and the sort amongst all the squeeing.
So I guess that's it for now. Truthfully, at this point I'm just trying and hoping to manage to update at least somewhat regularly. Wish me luck.
Anyway, years went by and the blog saw her through high school, the divorce of her parents, getting diagnosed with depression and being hospitalized for it for the first time. And also the good stuff, graduating high school, the road to defining her sexuality, moving on her own, the start of a first serious relationship. Things that make a life, basically.
And then little over three years ago, the blog went dead silent. It wasn't sudden or probably entirely unexpected, as the updates had been coming with less and less frequency. There wasn't any particular reason for it. At least not one that can't be labeled under the all consuming banner of Real Life. It happens.
And yes, that Finnish girl was me. Personally, I never really considered the blog dead, even if the latest entry in it is from february 2009. I mean, I always meant to get back to it. Someday. I never even made any kind of conscious decision to put it on hiatus. But the fact remains, that I never did get around to it.
But then a couple of weeks ago, mostly out of sheer boredom, I ended up making myself a tumblr account. One thing lead to another, and before I knew it, I was logging on at least daily, following blogs and tags and what have you. I even wrote a blog entry! For the first time in over three years. And while doing all off this, I remembered all the things I had liked about blogging and having an active net life, outside of having twenty+ friends on facebook.
And so finally I came to decide to give this blogging thing another try. But how and where? I suppose the easiest thing to do, would've probably been to just take up using my old livejournal account again. It is still active after all. But more I though about that, more uncomfortable with the idea I got. The thing is, during those three years that I wasn't using that account, a lot of things happened, that shaped the way I see and define my self. One of those was my depression diagnosis getting changed to that of bipolarity disorder. The other one was accepting myself as a transgender male.
All in all, it just came down to not being even remotely the same person I was when I first made that account. I'm not even the same one I was when I made what was to become the last post made to it. And while I'd never consider deleting or purging that account, because I want to keep the memories of being that person, I can't bring myself to actively using it anymore, since it feels like trying to bring life back to something that has earned to be allowed to rest in peace. So finally I decided to start over completely from starch. And that's how this account came in to being.
Someone might ask, why start with all that. But the thing is, for me, the beginning is always the hardest part. During the years between then and now, there actually was one or two attempts of starting a completely new blog somewhere else, which never amounted to anything, simply because I didn't know where to start. So, why not start with how things ended. It seemed logical enough. It is after all, much easier trying to see where you're going, once you know where you've been.
Now all that remains, is the actual issue of where the hell I am indeed going. Mostly I except there to be huge amounts of nerding and fanboying over all of those Larger than Life things like movies, hockey, tv show and what not. Beyond that, my f-t-m reassignment process is about to start in the fall at the latest, so I'm trying to keep this blog up to date on that. So there'll probably be writings on Finnish health care, gender theory and the sort amongst all the squeeing.
So I guess that's it for now. Truthfully, at this point I'm just trying and hoping to manage to update at least somewhat regularly. Wish me luck.
