kyyrandi: (Default)
Monday, September 17th, 2012 10:31 pm
Not that I'm happy about lockout or anything, but thanks to it, I'm once again exited for the SM-Liiga season and have hopes for my team actually even winning some games.

Because on Saturday, it sure didn't look like it. At that point, we had lost two of our top defensemen, before the season even started. One to "mild" concussion, and the official word has been that he'll return next week, for two weeks now, so in other words, who the hell knows when. The other needed leg surgery, and will be gone for four to six months. And then at the season opener our first line center got slashed on the wrist and will likely need surgery too, so no word yet on how long he'll be gone.

And then there's of course our goaltending which can be described as not good at best, and our coaching blows, and there aren't many good words that can be said about our management. Oh and lest I forget, there's the absolute horror show that is our power play. The season opener started with a five minute major, during which Kärpät managed a grand total of THREE SHOTS ON GOAL (!!) none of which had even a change of going past an actual competent goalie. In the second game of the season total of 23 power play minutes resulted in not a single goal.

Which, is kind of where we get to the root of the problem. Because Kärpät don't score. And then they don't score some more. In the two games played so far (both of which they've lost) they've totaled for three goals. And when you add all those problems on the ice to the ever growing injury list and the fact that our coach prefers keeping his head in the sand pretending nothing's wrong and our guys are battling great, then well. It sure looked like this will be a really bleak year for Kärppä fans.

And then the lockout happened, and as much as I hate that it did, I will grab any positive side effect it has on SM-Liiga and especially my team and run with them. Because the first SM-Liiga related news about the NHL player exodus was that Jussi Jokinen was coming to play for Kärpät starting Wednesday. I might've squealed when I first heard about that. Top six forward, who can play center? Why yes, that was exactly what we were in a desperate need of. And then it was reported that Jason Demers might be coming over to play for us as well, and what you know, our injury plagued defense got bolstered as well.

And suddenly I'm exited for hockey again. Also, I should have a chance to see them play live in three weeks, meaning that I'm pretty much like a kid on the day before christmas. Living 500 kilometers away from the team you support really sucks.

As for other lockout side effects, there's been talk that Selänne might come to play for Jokerit, should the lockout become a long one. I'm some what pessimistic about this happening, and somewhat hoping that it doesn't mostly because the sooner the lockout ends the better. But the latest What We've Learned on Puck Daddy changed my mind somewhat.

Reading about Northern American hockey fans lamenting about maybe not getting to see him play for one more time, made me think about the other side of that particular coin. How many finnish hockey fans have grown up hearing about how Selänne is the greatest finnish hockey player ever born? And just for how many seeing him play live if only just once in their life would be the greatest thing ever? North America has had him for nineteen years, would it really be such a great tragedy to give him back for a month?

Besides, Getzlaf still has some hair left so Selänne will be able to use those as a voodoo sacrifice next spring, meaning that he'll be back for the 2013-14 season.
kyyrandi: (Default)
Wednesday, August 29th, 2012 08:36 pm
Saw first tv ad for the upcoming season yesterday, yeah! I don't even know why, because with the pre-season having been in full swing for weeks now, it really shouldn't, but it didn't really hit home how soon the season is starting before that. Only like couple of weeks left.

So what better way to celebrate that, than another primer. Here's one on Mikko Koivu, the captain of Minnesota Wilds, and Mikael Granlund, their top prospect.

First off, this was supposed to be a short, quick look on who these two Minnesota Wild players are, and why are they shippy together. Which it still is, except for the short and quick part. But in any case, it's done now, so let's just get right to it, shall we?

As a disclaimer: All pictures were found using the google image search, and I don't own any of them. If you wish to be credited just let me know and it shall happen. The same goes for youtube videos.

This way to the primer )
kyyrandi: (Default)
Thursday, August 23rd, 2012 10:55 pm
I'm actually thinking about signing up for the [ profile] hockeybigbang . Which, is really not something that I should do, since writing challenges always just make me choke up and panic and I end up unable to do anything, even in the cases where I already had a working draft to start with..

It's just I've been doodling with an idea for a Koivu/Granlund fic, which seems like it could end up being reasonably long and sort of perfect for a big bang. And also, the more people being exposed to the pairing the better. (Seriously, they're pretty much the Finnish version of Staal/Skinner pairing, so you know, age difference angst with some added moodiness. Also long-distance feels.. What more could you want?)

So maybe, for once, I could turn this into a motivation to write the god damn thing for real.

While on the subject of things that are crazy. Someone please tell me that trying to get someone to lend me a car for tomorrow so I could ride 200 kilometer just to watch an exhibition hockey game is not worth it. Especially when I really don't have the money for it. Not even to see Rinne in the grease.
kyyrandi: (Default)
Saturday, August 18th, 2012 02:51 pm
So the great thing about being a european hockey fan (besides not having to be so completely and overly worried about a potential lockout) is that it's already almost time for season opener! Less than a month in fact! And the pre-season games have already started!

.. Expect I'm having hard time trying to feel exited about the upcoming season, since my team is continuing doing what they've done for a couple of years already, by which I mean sucking. So far, they've played three games, and lost all of them. Sure it's just the pre-season, but it still isn't very confidence inducing. I mean they had a total of minute and a half worth of 5 on 3 advantage in one game, and couldn't score a single goal in that time, what even! I don't care about how well you're dominating the game, you need to score some goals to win!

Also, their coach continues to be complete ass, who can't admit when the team needs to improve. It was infuriating when he was coaching our national team to not win, and it's infuriating now. I mean focusing on the positive is one thing, but staying stuff like "we had some great presence out there tonight and really gave it our all", when you've just lost 6-0, is just sticking your head in the sand.
And yet, he does so like to find faults in our national teams current head coaches performance, even when the team is winning. Remind me, which one of you was the one to coach the team to it's second ever world championships in his third year of coaching and which was the one you couldn't deliver the same in his five years as the bench boss? Wasn't you? Then shut the hell up.

Why was this guy hired in the first place? I mean it wasn't like he'd just gotten fired by another team, due to them being at the bottom of the standings, prior to coming to work for you? Oh he was.. Well, I guess they were having some financial issues then, that we they to literally scrape the bottom of the barrel. What was that? One of the richest teams in the league? So why the hell do they have such a suck-y coach then?!

Remember the time when we won the championship four times in five years? 'Cause I do. And I'd really, really like to go back to that, instead of maybe barely making it to the playoffs, never mind getting past the first round..

On other news, I'm thiiis close to finishing the Finnish Hockey Primer. Sorry it's been taking so long, my summer ended up being a lot busier than I had planned, and as such I haven't have all that much time to work on it. But I am hoping to send it of for beta reading by tomorrow night.
kyyrandi: (Default)
Wednesday, August 1st, 2012 06:46 pm

For my prompt at the

[ profile] hockeypediaprimerfest, I chose the LA Kings' incredible goaltender Jonathan Quick. For most part this will be a pretty straight forward vidspam, but before getting to that, let's take a brief look at his

Career so far )

kyyrandi: (Default)
Sunday, July 1st, 2012 07:33 pm
Did not finish the Primer yet. Instead I've spent today doing nothing but procrastinating. It's just that after working on it for maybe six or seven hours yesterday (I'm good at losing the track of time when I get a flow going, alright) I needed to get some distance to it. I only have the last two years to write about, and since last year was the best ever, I want to be able to write more about it than: we won SUCK ON IT SWEDES HAHAHA, the end. Not that that still wont be what I'll end up writing anyway, but this way, I'll do it with more words.

Also, was this years WC dirtier than usually, or am I just imagining things? It just felt like there wasn't a day that went by without news of someone getting suspended because of a dirty hit. And that those suspension were longer than usual.

After nearly ten years of at least semi daily internet life, you'd think that by now one would've gotten used to people saying mean and hurtful things online. And yet I'm still surprised by it. There's not many better ways to start of a morning than to read that this years Helsinki Pride got egged and then to read comments (different news site from the one linked) with people saying stuff like "well if those queers would just stop doing these marches of theirs, they wouldn't get attacked now would they."

I mean what the hell even? I don't know which is worse, the fact that happened or that some people seem to think that the people that got hit brought it on themselves by asking for equal rights. I guess the children that got hit in the gas attack two years ago were asking for it too, right? And while throwing eggs at people might not be on the same level as throwing smoke bombs and then tear and pepper spraying them, causing injury to 88 people, youngest of them being 3 (!!!) years old, the fact that people who did that got away with a four month suspended sentence is sure to have some effect on yesterdays events. I mean if those got of as easy as that, I'm having a hard time hoping for any kind of punishment from this, except having to pay a fine.

I'm not usually one for hard prison sentences. I would however like it if our justice system would make it clear that attacking people during a peaceful demonstration is not okay. That did not happen two years ago, and it's by no means likelier to happen in this case either. If anything the message will be to go ahead and attack them, just don't cause too much of a damage.

All in all, it's a worrying trend. We've had decades long history of GLBT people holding peaceful demonstration and not getting attacked and now we get two in as nearly as many years. I'd be furious but for the part where I'm actually just too sad about it all.
kyyrandi: (Default)
Friday, June 29th, 2012 05:22 pm
I can't believe this is actually done. I can't thank [personal profile] thefourthvine enough, for taking my jumbled second-language English and making something sensible out of it. None of this would make nearly as much sense as it does, if it wasn't for you. I really and truly could not have asked for a better beta.

Also, as a heads-up: this here is a very word heavy, possibly somewhat overly long primer. If you're just looking for a picspam, I'm sad to say that you're in the wrong place. Hopefully, it's still enjoyable regardless.

With that being said, let's get to it

kyyrandi: (Default)
Friday, June 29th, 2012 03:37 pm
My summer holiday started! A month and a half, during which I have to do absolutely nothing at all! I so very much needed it. What with working my ass off all through last summer, and then having a basically the worst year off school ever, completed with a spring of doing 12+ hour days of work and school for almost a month, I've been pretty much on a constant verge of a burnout from at least mid-May now.

But finally today I got to clean out my locker and walk out of there having caught up with all my missed classes and not have to think about going there before August. Hopefully it'll be time enough to gain back some of my motivation for even going there, since that has been the biggest problem for me the whole year. I mean at this point I'm somewhat certain that I really don't want to be a cook for the rest of my life, and that at the end of the day, it's a shitty, underpaid, over-worked profession with crazy hour. But at the same time, I only have a year at the school left. Less than that, if I stop fucking around. That really shouldn't be such a hardship. And then I'll graduate and have an actual profession, which even if I just end up going back to school to study something else, should make my life somewhat easier.

Of course, if I'm being totally honest, while the thought of doing fuck all sounds amazing right about now, I'll probably be going stir crazy from boredom in about a week. And what better way to avoid that, than to make a huge ass list of things to write about, so at no point in time can I truthfully claim, that I can't think of anything to do. So far, these include

1) Finishing the Finnish Hockey History primer, something I'm hoping to get done by the end of this week, once I really get going with it

2) Finnish Hockey primer, Players edition. This should be pretty easy one, since quite a lot of them will get their own primers some time in the future, and as such don't have to be covered in any great detail at this point. Mostly I'm having a problem with deciding on how to group them. By age? When they started playing? By what position they play? What teams they play on? There are just too many possibilities!

3) Those individual primers I just mentioned. Kind of dreading this one actually. For one thing, there's somewhat of a shortage of recourses to use, at least as far as videos and interviews in English go. Like Kari Lehtonen for example. Possibly my favorite Finnish goalie ever, but with one or at most two English vids of him out there, what exactly is there that can be used to make a complete separate primer with? You have to go on page six on a google image search to get pictures of him in which he's not all covered up in padding! (Yes, I checked.) Although, for the sake of my sanity, it might be a good thing there's not more close-up pictures of his face out there. It's not as if I have ever watch him give an interview and then realizing around half way through that I've missed most if not all of what he has said, because I was too busy staring those beautiful eyelashes of his.. I CAN'T HELP IT, THEY'RE DISTRACTINGLY LONG AND THICK AND PRETTY AND HOW IS THIS NOT THE PRETTIES SIGHT EVER..
Ahem. Where was I? Right, the primers. Another problem with these individual ones is that I have absolutely no idea how to make up my mind on the order in which to do them. I mean, sure, Tuomo Ruutu will be the very first one, no questions about it, what with being my favorite player since as long as I can remember, but as for the rest of them? From what I've seen, Tuukka Rask seems to be kind of popular name in the fandom right now, so there might be quite a lot of intrest to see a primer on him. Mikko Koivu always needs more love. Mikael Granlund enters the race for the Cutest Child on Ice title once the season starts, so obviously he's going to need a primer.. Somehow I'm starting to feel that getting bored won't really be the problem.

4) General primer on Finland and Finnish culture. I blame this solely on [personal profile] intertangled who is an enabling enabler who enablers. Truthfully, this is the one I'm least likely to ever make. I only have the one month and a half off after all. At some points I would possibly like to do things like sleep and eat, instead of writing about how we are all crazy. But just in case I get a super crazy writing flow going on and finish everything else, I'll list this one too.

Of course, there is the primer exchange challenge over at [ profile] hockeypedia that I'm planning on signing up for, which will probably effect this listing somewhat. I'm really kinda super exited for it to begin.

So since I already mentioned Tuomo Ruutu why not continue with that. See the thing is, for some time now, my reactions on whose on the national team roster at any given tournament has been either a "yes Ruutu made the team, thank you hockey gods, everything is right in the world" or a "what you mean he's not on the team, why must he be injured, it's all wrong, and nothing will ever be good again, and I shall go now and cry." He was on the team last year, we won gold; this year he couldn't make it and we got nothing. OBVIOUSLY THIS WAS THE DECIDING FACTOR.

My love for him knows no bounds. Sort of murdering some one, I don't think he could ever do anything wrong in my eyes. Even then I'd probably try and find some way of justifying his actions. Except for one thing. He plays for the Carolina Hurricanes. And having signed a contract extension this year, he's going to continue to play with them for some time. I really don't have anything against the Canes as such. I just don't know anything about them, beyond that they have baby-Skinner, and are amassing a clone Staal army. But nevertheless, the presence of Ruutu on the team has somehow resulted in me watching countless Canes videos and kind of sort of maybe following a blog about them, and all of this is making me feel like I'm Stockholming myself into liking the team. THIS IS NOT GOOD, AND I SHOULD STOP! SOMEBODY HELP ME.

When did this become my life?
kyyrandi: (Default)
Wednesday, June 27th, 2012 07:56 pm
..this however will not be it.

So Hillary Clinton is visiting Finland. A fact of which I was reminded hourly, at the least, while listening to the radio at work today. Mostly the whole thing was just stupidly over covered by every single Finnish media outlet possible but there was the one moment of utter hilarity, of reading about how our Minister of Foreign Affairs, Erkki Tuomioja, who looks like a overly nice sixty year old grandpa, while actually being a really sharp minded far-left wing politician and social activist, gave Clinton a Finnish designer bag as a present. Exactly the same one, that he has himself, expect in different color.

I'm not usually one to go for gender stereotypes, since they're usually wrong and just make life harder, but just the public image that Tuomioja has as a no-nonsense, hard-ass, makes the image of him buying and using what's essentially women's accessory all kinds of hilarious. And also awesome.

There's an article on about the big questions of this years free agency, and part of it had to do with speculation about Ryan Suter and Shea Weber in which one of the points was that they might both of them want to re-sign with the Predators, so they could stay there with Pekka Rinne. I know it's kind of a thing for d-men to develop in to inseparable duos / married guys (yes, Duncs and Seabsie, I am talking about you) but since when have goalies been part of the equation. Of course, at this point my mind went to the gutter where it's natural habitat is, and came up with all sorts of reasons why all three of them would want to play on the same team. Hockey reporters, PLEASE STOP GIVING ME PLOT BUNNIES!

Everyone should go and watch Joffrey Lupul cover the NHL awards for Yahoo! Sport. For one thing, hockey players being awkward on camera will never not be cute and awesome.

Talking with Bettman and making bad jokes, which is refusing to embed so have a link instead.

Also, as a side note, I'm still not over how ridiculously attractive voice Lupul has.

The Saga of Canucks Goalie Problems continues. If something doesn't happen soon about it, I'm going to start breaking in hives. With the way things are going, I wouldn't be surprised if we ended up starting the season with no goalie at all. HAVING TWO GREAT GOALIES SHOULD NOT BE A LEGIT PROBLEM, YOU GUYS!
kyyrandi: (hands)
Monday, June 25th, 2012 02:49 pm
 Naturally, the damn near only time anything happens during the off-season had to be during Midsummer. Which was kind of crazy, what with hanging out by a bond-fire on a beach until around seven or eight AM, when we finally ran out of alcohol. Which is why I was extremely hung-over when I finally got around to checking the draft-news. At which point it really dawned on my, just how much of a sap I've become because Teräväinen being so well and truly exited about going to the Hawks was pretty much the cutest thing ever. Also, just how much of a crush on PKane does he have?

Speaking of scheduling conflicts. The Blackhawks and the Wilds are playing they're season openers almost exactly the same time. Normally this wouldn't matter at all, because I really couldn't give a damn about the Wilds as a team, but. Assuming Granlund makes it to the team straight from training camp, which, considering how much they've been dying to have him, it's not all that unlikely, I'd kinda really want to watch his first ever NHL-game. Especially when I won't probably end up watching him play all that much. But then I really, really want to see the Hawks season opener as well. Not to mention that 'Nucks are playing their first game on a weekday, and since it's going to be around four AM here when the game even starts, there's really no use to even think about going to school if I want to see it. Which I do.

Sometimes I wonder, why on earth I'm so into this game..

Like when I'm working on my Finnish hockey history -primer. For one thing, the whole thing has gotten somewhat out of hand, and is sort of huge. The needs to be cut into parts kinda huge. But the biggest problem with it, is that I'm soon getting to year 1995 and after that nothing but Painful and Heartbreaking things happen for the next sixteen years and I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THEM. 'cept for the part where I started a primer which includes talking about them. So just how stupid am I? So the end-result is that writing it is really slow going at the moment, and I'm having trouble motivating myself to do anything about that. Help?
Maybe we could all agree to wipe the 2006 from history, yes? At least the rest of it is more or less bearable.

On not hockey related stuff. Finally went and saw the Prometheus a week ago. It was bad. Really, really bad. Starting with the way the movie had more holes in it's plot than swiss cheese. And Ridley Scott might use a lesson in other ways of creating tension on screen besides dark rooms with bright flashing lights. Granted, it wasn't on the migraine inducing levels that the original Alien had, but could've done with out them anyway. But the worst of it was the amount of badly motivated characters that had somehow all managed to get crammed into just one movie.

The truly annoying thing is that I almost didn't go at all, because all the bad reviews it had been getting. I was on the fence about it for almost a month, and just when I'd decided that I could just as well wait for the dvd a friend told that it wasn't really all that bad, and that combined with being really bored resulted in changing my mind one last time. And now I just wish that I hadn't. Maybe next time, when I'm thinking if I should risk 12 euros on a movie that's likely to suck, I'll remember to not.

kyyrandi: (Default)
Thursday, June 14th, 2012 07:36 pm
Oh god, could this month be over already. I'm doing summer school 'till the end of it, and I can't even begin to tell how much not fun it is to be spending seven hours a day, during the first heat wave of the summer, in a kitchen where the air-conditioning has either been shut off, or is broken, and the ovens are on +150 degrees celsius all day long. Plus, there's days like today when because of my part-time job I'm up at two AM, and then do a what amounts to a 12-hour work-shift, spent constantly on my feet expect for a half an hour lunch break. Fun times, for sure.

If nothing else, all of this means I have lots and lots of time to think about stuff I'd like to be blogging about. Which, not gonna lie, are very predominately hockey related.

So to start of, in no particular order. A friend of mine borrowed me the newest album by Sunrise Avenue last weekend. And the thing is, it's basically just a soundtrack for Mike Richards/Jeff Carter angst. I mean there's legit not a single song on the entire album that would not work as songs about those two pining for each other.

My personal favorites, Stormy End, from which the quote in the subject is:

And somebody help me

While on the subject of sirs Carts and Richie. They're the sole reason, why legions of evil plot bunnies of doom are running on a rampage in my head, and have been for more than a week now. The absolute worst of those, got set loose on tuesday, when I read the interview Richards had given after the win about how oh-so-special it was to give the cup to his best friend and how he'd been dreaming about for so long and so worth. And then, 'cause my mind is evil, EVIL I'm telling you, I got to thinking, how much of an epic angst fic it'd be if someone were to write an AU, where Carter never got traded to Kings, who ended up winning the cup without him. And then Richards being all "this is so bittersweet, SOMETHINGS MISSING YOU GUYS, I CAN'T DEAL" at which point he has to go to Carter - possibly with Stanley, because no matter what, he wants to share it with him - who then goes all "Yeah, good for you, but I'm having too much feelings about seeing you lift the cup and not being right there with you and I CAN'T DEAL." And then sad angsty, somewhat (passive)aggressive porn ensues.
So like I said. EVIL. It's not like I could ever write that, what with the waterworks almost brought on by writing the above. I'm not sure I'd even read it if I saw someone else had done it (yeah, ok, that a lie. I'd read it and the cry the whole time wondering how such a thing could be allowed to exist.) WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME HEAD.

Anyway, to wrap up the Carts/Richie portion of this post, a (maybe not so) quick note on the Jimmy Kimmel Live show the Kings did. Which, the whole thing might possible be the definition of all things awesome. Firstly, Carter elbowing Doughty when asked about whose drunk at the moment! Quick being all "no-biggie" about their porn-star fan! Mitchell planning to take Stanley on a mountain! Brown's kids! Quick, that amount of adorableness has to be illegal!

So anyway, back to Richards and Carter. Who, pretty much from start to finish, seem to either have forgotten that they're in front of a live camera, or they've just stopped caring. I mean, Richards has HIS HAND UNDERNEATH CARTER'S ASS for practically the entire show. Oh, what's that you say? The seats were really crowded? Funny then, how the rest of the team managed to fit just fine, without sitting half in each other's laps. Also, you're not being very subtle with those constant shoulder pumps either.

Lastly, on a slightly more serious note. I'd just like to make a note of who the team named, when asked about who had been partying it up the hardest. And let's be honest here, is there anyone who thought that in no way would the answer be Carter and/or Richie? Although it was quite clear to see that Doughty certainly was the drunkest of the bunch(not counting Quick.) Of course it might mean nothing. Very possibly Doughty's an even more of a party boy. Maybe Carts and Richie can't keep up with the youngsters. Perhaps they just need to rest for a while, before partying the rest of the summer like it's '99.
Or then again it could mean something. Maybe LA has slowed them down a bit. Or you know, they weren't actually all that wild and out of control to begin with. Obviously, we're never going to know the truth, but I think it's something to pause over regardless.

Oh, and one more thing. THANK YOU HOCKEY GODS NEITHER OF THEM HAVE FORGOTTEN HOW TO SHAVE! Especially Carter. Also, almost didn't recognize Zompitar without the beard.

So onto still hockey, but not Kings related issues. I discovered Cabbie Richards tsn podcasts yesterday. And then felt great joy thinking about how I'd finally found something to occupy my mind at work, beside how it's a place of soul-sucking suck(the part-time job mentioned at the start of the post. Which is temping as a cleaner for a couple of fast-food places.) Of course the problem being that it's a five hour-shift and each episode is proximately an hour long and since there's not that many of them, I'll have worked through my back-log by tomorrow. And then I'll have to go back to the suck. Oh well.

But as to the show itself, there's just not enough words to describe it. I mean once you get used to reporters who, well, aren't either horrible fucks who should not be allowed to open their mouths in the presence of other people, let alone in front of a tv camera, or as memorable as a table napkin(at some point I'm going to have to do a post about finnish sports and hockey media, and why exactly I have so many Issues with it, really). And now I have Simply the Best stuck playing in my head, and I'm having a hard time continuing this post without quoting it. Possibly a sign that I should be just going to sleep already.

But before, just a few observations about the podcasts and random hockey news I've read today. First of. JEFFREY LUPUL'S VOICE. I HAVE NO WORDS. Just, it might very well possibly be the most beautiful voice of everyone, ever. Having that be almost the first human voice you hear at three am, when you're running late and everything sucks, makes life have meaning again.

Oh, Canucks. Why? Just why? I mean sure taking Raymond to arbitration might not be all bad news, what with if I understand correctly, that actually means he's more likely to stay with the team, but did you really have to announce it today. On the anniversary of his broken back? You couldn't wait 'till like tomorrow? Love ya all, but sometimes I really do wonder why. Also, still no news on Salo. Would you please just sign him on already.

Both Teemu Selänne and Martin Brodeur will both decide by July 1, if they are going to continue their careers still. I'm slightly morbidly curious which of them would end up getting more media coverage, it they'd announce their retirement around the same time. Not that I really think that's going to happen, mostly 'cause I'm starting to think short of losing both legs, Selänne is really not all that likely to retire. And I suspect him of being in possession of the Fountain of Youth. Or he's secretly a vampire. Then there's the possibility of ritualistically sacrificing the remainder of Getzlaf's hair to the hockey gods.

And now I really, really should be going to sleep.