kyyrandi: (Default)
Saturday, May 11th, 2013 12:18 am
I have to say, I do adore our goalies to bits and pieces.

I mean how could you not, when pics like this happen:

... I'd wonder as to what the hell is going on here, but I'm pretty sure that reality wouldn't be nearly as hilarious as anything I could come up with.

In other news, Sweden losing to the Swiss was the best thing ever, save maybe the Russians losing to the French of all teams.

And as a side-note, I was endlessly irked today, watching the Finland-Russia game, by the way the play-by-play commentor kept calling Radulov as <i>Radulova</i>. I realize that most likely he just didn't know the meaning of it (basically, in Russia, you add an a or o to the end of a surname to indicate that the person in question is a female), but it bothered me all the same..

But because I like to fictionalize everything, it did make me think about names and how those are used in fics. Mostly involving patronymics and the ways Russians use them.. I just think that a kid fic about Geno becoming a dad, and insisting everyone call the baby by his full name 'cause he like the way evgenovich sounds.. Then again, I might just be geeking out about languages again.

In real life news, I woke up last night from a nightmare to a first panic attack I've had in years. So, you know, good times. I'm starting to think I need to talk to my doctor about doing something about my medication <i>again</i>, at the very least. I'm sure the topic of getting admitted at least for a short term, will also come up again.

kyyrandi: (hands)
Friday, April 26th, 2013 12:44 am
So my life has been kind of a mess for the past few months and I haven't really felt like writing pretty much anything. But more on that on some other post, because I still don't feel like getting too much into it.

Like so many others, I was shocked by  what happened last week in Boston. I have an aunt who lives there with his husband and it took some time last Tuesday before we could be sure that everything was okay with them. I've never been so scared in my life to be watching the news. I just can't say just how much I feel for all the people affected by what happened.

I visited Boston for the summer in 2007, living with said aunt, and just fell in love with it instanly. From the first day there, I've never felt so at home anywhere else, as I did there. If possible, I'd move there for good in an instant, still. And i't also the very last place I would've thought something like this would ever happen in..

I wrote sometime ago about how my old computer broke down and I lost all the files on it. Turns out some of it was salvagable after all. Today as I was going through the stuff I did recover from it, I ran into a short story I've written sometime in the fall of -08, a year after my stay in Boston, for a creative writing class I was taking at the time. I don't remember the exact assigment, but I guess you could call it an extremely condensed travel diary. I thought I'd translate it and post it here, because it reminds me of the beautiful city I want to remember.

Fair warning to anyone about to read this; I was much more inclined to unnessisery sentimentality five years ago than I am today.

My Boston
My Boston is a torturesly long flight over the Atlantic. Nowhere does human selfisness show quite the same way it does as in an aeroplane. You can be sure that the person in front of you doesn't give a damn about you having to sit with your knees in your face, simply so they can lower their seat down. Those of better fortunes sit in the Business class of course. With no little bitterness you'll note that they'd have enough room for a ball, as you finally exit the plane.

My Boston is a runway, going all the way to the ocean. It's the first time I see Atlantic up close, there on the tarmac. Not really the same as the homely Baltic Sea. My Boston is customs formalities that drag on for hours. Frustrating forms and people who don't care that I haven't slept in close to 24 hours.

It's customs officials with handsguns - the kind I've only seen in movies before now - at their hips. My Boston is one of them looking at my passport. Asking me if I ever smile. I just feel so tired I could weep. Smile, baby! You're in America now!

My Boston is a subway cart, making it's way to the Longfellow Brigde as the sun sinks in to the Charles River. And my Boston is Cambridge,  the river between and the bridges that connect the two. My first look at Boston is from the window of a subway cart.

On the one side of the river, the grand buildings that make up one of the most famous schools in the world, MIT. And on the other, an esplanade, lined by trees. I'm looking at one of the richest areas of Boston, Back Bay and it's skyscrapers. There are little boats with white sails on the rivers. As the train rides on, I hardly even remember being tired.

My Boston is the Ivy League school, Harvard. There is always a school somewhere on Harvard Yard, by which I can spend hours and hours reading, getting bothered by none. I'd have to be a student to get inside the giant Widener Libary, but the sun always shines on where I sit on the steps. Trying to save my food from being stolen by the squirrels.

My Boston is squares. Central Squares, Harvard Squares, Copley, Davis. Harvard Square is bookstores everywhere, a true geek heaven. When the last Potter comes out, there's a party going all night long and every shop has customers a plenty. Central is a the subway station for home. And heavenly ice cream. They say even Dalai Lama has been there. Copley and Davis are slowly cooling nights with other youth. They are the places of one last summer of Young Rebellion. Of chainsmoking and underage drinking.

My Boston is also museums and history. I see lighting and get to play around in the Museum of Science and in the Fine Arts Museum I skip Edward Hopper. It takes a whole sunday to walk the Freedom Trail, and I don't even go it from start to finish. The red line painted on the road takes me though the Revolutionary War. My trip ends with a church, belltower and the English coming. I don't make it to the teaparty.

And most of all, my Boston is the sea. The trip to the Revere Beach takes half an hour at best of times and need to change subways to times, and yet I go there as often as I can. In the smothering heat, it'd be worth it just for the breeze alone. My first time going, I'm told to get down on the ground if I hear shots fired. I try to laugh, but get told that it's no joke. I never hear any.

My Boston is contentment.

kyyrandi: (Default)
Saturday, March 2nd, 2013 12:03 am
 Even my cat is afraid of him. I was watching the post game interviews from last night, and she was sleeping on my lap. When Heatley's interview started up, she spooked so bad that she nearly ran to hide under the bed. :D

In other news, I'm so fucking pissed off about people who can't do any kind of sensible budjeting themselves and aren't willing to let other people help them because of some bullshit reason about not wanting to share credit. If you want to be an ass about your own money that's fine, couldn't care less. But when you are responsible for a group of fifteen getting food and other nessities for a weekend and not having to pay way too much about it, you need to think something other than your self for a moment!

And if you turn down two trained chefs who freely offer to help out with planning and preparing the food, and then come up with stuff that's more expensive, tastes worse and takes a lot more time and effort to cook, than what was suggested to you by said professionals?  At least have the decency of not complaining about how much work you have to do, and how much of your own money you need to spend!

Just, fuck. All of this is not helped by the fact that it's one of those nights when sleep just doesn't seem to be an option. Meaning that tomorrow I'm likely going to be trying to get through the day by force of willpower and caffeine alone. While pretending that I don't want to be bunching one person in particular in the face. Because it's supposed to be a party, and us getting into a fight doesn't really spell good times for everyone.

(As a background, me and said person have been having a number of issues for a while now. I just don't want to end up having the inevitable fight about those issues tomorrow and ruining the day for everyone..) 
kyyrandi: (Default)
Saturday, February 2nd, 2013 08:56 pm
So my computer finally broke down for good. Or more like, it broke again, and I gave up trying to by it more time with new parts. Five years was a good service time anyway.

Luckily I have since gotten a new computer. Not so luckily, money is kind of thight right now, so after a half a decade of being a mac user, I've returned to using a PC. And I lost damn near everything that was on the old computer, because while I did have back-ups, those are on a hard-drive that PCs can't read, so I'm pretty fucked on that regard. Thank god I should be able to salvage at least most of my writings from email attachments, at least.

Most likely, I'll spend a few more days setting up this new one to the way I like it, and re-learning how to use a Windows (it's harder than it sounds! I keep typoing because the keyboard is all wrong and the touchpad doesn't work the way it's supposed to and everything is in wrong places. plah!) so I might be going on a mini-hiatus.

But what with it being so very long since I've last owned a Windows: any and all recommendations about programs I really should have would be great. I have all the basic ones, like Firefox, iTunes and Skype etc. but I just still kind of feel like I'm missing everything.

..also lost all my bookmarks, which just sucks. And I miss Safari..

Because of the computer situation, I didn't get to watch the Wild break Chicago's perfect record. Have to say, I really wasn't hold out much hope for that to happen.
kyyrandi: (snafu)
Friday, January 18th, 2013 12:28 pm
At school at the moment.

What I should be doing: a nearly 30 page work sheet on food poisonings and different kind of microbies that cause them.

What I'm actually doing: procrastinating online, because after being at it for almost three hours, I'm fed up with the differencies between aerobic and anaerobic bacteria, or what kind of environment each kind requires.

Isn't it enough that I remember to always wash my hands?

.. Honestly, I usually like microbiology, and as far as our theoretical subjects goes, it might just be the best, but god I need a break.

Thankfully, someone reminded me of this:

The whole reason for Eurovision to exist: where else would we get our musical crack from.
kyyrandi: (Default)
Wednesday, January 16th, 2013 06:26 pm
 And one of them happens to work at a local theater. Which is how yesterday, I went and saw opera in person for the first time in my life. And I only had to pay one euro for the tickets, since it was a pre- opening night showing. The opera in question was Mozart's The Abduction from the Seraglio, which had been adapted and set to modern day Finland. I'm not in anyway a huge opera fan, but overall it was really fun experience.

Also, since the friend who had gotten us the tickets just had a birthday, we went out afterwards, just to play some pool and hang around. Can't even remember when's the last time I've had so much fun going out.

I keep meaning to write about all the things I'm looking forward about the upcoming NHL season, but then I get distracted by new videos and and articles and putting it off. (For all my complaining in the previous post, I am so very happy that there are once again actual hockey news to read.)

But here are some very jumbled thoughts on it:

A) Teemu Selänne cracking the top 10 career goals scored. Being that he only needs six goals for that, it shouldn't be an overly long wait, thankfully.

B) Granlund's first NHL goal. For everyone's sake I'm really hoping this comes as soon as possible. Saturday's game would be best. And not just because the kid deserves all the good things happening to him, but also because I can already see the way at least portions of Finnish media will make out like he is a bust with no future what so ever, if he hasn't scored by his fifth game. And then I'd be annoyed, because would it kill these people to have some patience! and all in all I'd just rather not.

C) Wild making the playoffs. No reason why they couldn't do it, as long as they stay at least somewhat healthy. Which leads me to..

D) Mikko Koivu having a full, injury-free season. Just, please hockey gods, make it so.

E) Seeing Crosby score and score. And then score some more. By the time I started watching the NHL last spring the Pens were already out of the playoffs. So all I've ever really seen of the wonder child is highlight reels, and while those are all well and good, I can't wait to finally see him in action for real.

and finally

F) Pekka Rinne having a career best, Vezina winning year. Not really holding my breath on this happening (not the Vezina at least), but one can always hope.

Been doodling around with some writing ideas once again. The Carter/Richards Second-trade-never-happened!AU is at a point where I have a complete plot outline for it. I think? I'd just need to decide just how depressing I want the ending to be.

And then there's the Koivu/Granlund fic i should get around to completing, especially now that those two are finally in the same continent and playing for the same team. Mostly my problems with that is, that on one hand, the fic I originally had planned is going to end up loooong, and I get frustrated with it and just want to jump right to the sex. But then on the other hand, every time I try and write any sex scenes with the paring I feel like a creeper, what with Granlund being the Official Little Brother of Finland.. So that's something I need to get over.

While on the subject of Koivu/Granlund, Mikko's first post-lockout interview on WildTV gave me so much feels. Talking about lockout being over and how exited everyone is and how it's good to be getting back to playing hockey? No facial expressions what so ever. Getting asked about Granlund? Instant smile. (Careful now, you're adoration is showing.)
(The vid in question.)

Also, if I've looked correctly, based on the interviews, Kyle Brodziak sits between Mikke and Mikko? Meaning that there should be a fic about how they are constantly hassling each other because of UST, and Brodziak, the innocent by-stander gets caught up in it, until one day he can't take it anymore and lock them in a closet (because locked in closet is a great trope and there can never be too much of it!). And then sex happens. But the hassling doesn't stop, if anything it gets even worse, and Brodziak despairs. Someone, please make this happen!

In not fic related writings, I've been thinking about a Barkov primer, because everyone should love him, and then thought that while I'm at it, I might as well do a primer on baby Finns in general. (And yes, it's because I want to gush about Salomäki, shut up. :D). So if anyone out there has any specific Finnish prospects in mind that they want to know more about, let me know.

Oh right, almost forgot, if there's someone out there lovely enough to to some betaing for me, I'd be so very very grateful. One of the reasons I've been stuck with my writing is that I get overly conscious of all the hang-ups of my second language english and having a beta would really help with that.

Finally, and also on the list of things I almost forgot: a very big welcome to all the new people on my friendslist!
kyyrandi: (Default)
Friday, December 21st, 2012 02:42 am
.. Because as much as I love my iPhone, writing anything longer than a textmessage on it, kind of a bitch.

Mostly I'm just popping by to say that I'm in fact still alive, and planning on re-joining the world of active bloggers one of these days. Is just that, in perfect sequance of events the bane of my existence, also known as The Cat ate through YET ANOTHER computer power chord, which is not as those don't cost almost hundred euros a piece and it's not as if I wasn't pretty screwed financially already, and then on top of that my phone broke down, effectively cutting me off the net completely.

So yeah, that sucked.

Especially since while I have koe managed to get a new phone, I sadly remain computerless, and will propably continue to do so at least until January. Meaning among other things that suck ass, that I don't have anything to watch the World Juniors on.

Somehow, I'm not feeling particularly warm and fuzzy towards my cat at the moment..

But anyway, I really do need to very briefly vent on a few hockey related issues:
-my teams goalie situation is starting to cause epic levels of anxiety. Just when our number one goalie was finally starting to seem play like he might actually be worth his salt, he went and got a groin injury about a month ago, and will be on IR at least until New Years (possibly longer; in a recent interview our coach said that it hasn't been improving as well as they were hoping). So you know, good times.
- Speaking of my team, I don't even know where to start on the whole business with Turris and the G&M interview. I'm somewhat equally pissed off about what he said initially as I'm about the way he backpedaled on his words, without ever owning up to them..
Idek. But here's the thing. Let's imagine for a while, that the situation were reversed, say Selänne retires, moves back to Finland and then opens up about how much he hated playing in Canada and Winnipeg especially is the worst hellhole ever. Can anyone claim that there would be any end to the kind of shitstrom that would create? So why would a Canadian doing the exact same thing be even remotly okay?
(Also, there's just so many things I'd like to say about some of the fan reactions to all of it, and what that speaks about Finnish peoples national identity, but it's late and I was trying to keep this post short. I will say this though; gotta love the fact that having a messed up self-esteem is such a sore subject to some, that defending against comments such as Turris made is a sign of said bad self-esteem, because obviously only someone with bad self-esteem would feel that anything he said could be taken as offensive.)
- Despite the fact that I most likely will be unable to watch at least a majority of the World Juniors, I'm pretty exited for them. For one, I feel surprisingly optimistic about Finland finally ending our medal drought, since our team has a lot of promise this year. Which, I have to say, is a somewhat foreign feeling, since I'm more used to being convinced that any international competition will bring nothing but doom and gloom with them. But any case, I'm most exited about seeing Barkov in action, the kid is going to be amazing.
- Speaking of Barkov, I'm thinking about doing a primer on him when I eventually have a working computer in my possession again. Mainly because more people need to know about how great he is. For one 28 points in 32 games is no small feat for a seventeen year old, playing against adults. Plus, he's pretty much the first Finnish player in the history of ever, with a legitimate change of being the first overall draft, pick, so there's that. Possibly the primer might include some other top Finnish prospect as well. (Mostly, because there's no way I'm not taking the oppertunity of gushing about Salomäki..)

I really was planning on making a quick, short post, honest. Oh well.

To end, hopefully everyone will have great holidays. I'll be travelling up north on saturday, to visit my dad until christmas day, and will be extreme unlikely to post anything then, so my best wishes for everyone now. :)
kyyrandi: (Default)
Sunday, November 18th, 2012 05:17 pm
Seems like I accidentally ended up taking a mini-hiatus from blogging. Mostly because life got kind of crazy  in a lot of ways. I had a mid to bad depression period and ended up missing school for a month, plus two weeks of sick leave, but now, thanks to some adjustments in my meds and also after re-structuring my life a bit, things are starting to look up a bit again.

I ended up not being able to change school, because the place I would've tried to get in didn't have any spots open, but I'm surprisingly fine with that. I talked things through in my current school, and we worked out a new class schedule for me, so my work load is much smaller until the christmas break, I have Wednesdays off completely and I'm also spending two days a week interning instead of going to school, which is something I've always preferred. Also, the internship place is really nice, it's a kitchen of a local old folks home, the staff is really great and since it's a pretty small place, it isn't super crazy busy all the time.

So assuming I can keep this up, I'd maybe be able to graduate sometime in the next fall, which while not ideal, as I originally it should've been next spring, is still better than what it seemed when things were at their worst. It also helps that I've really gotten a lot of my motivation back, the lack of which was a big factor in why I was struggling with school so much in the first place.

That said, I am planning on re-applying to schools in the spring also. I've already started prepping a little for the entrance exams for uni. I've wanted to study english and literature for so long, that at the very least I need to try and see if I have a shot at making it happen.

Finally, to the very best of things to have happened while I was busy not blogging: KÄRPÄT ARE NUMBER ONE IN SM-LIIGA STANDINGS!!! That hasn't happened since something like 2008! The team has completely transformed from the crap-fest that was the begging of the season to an actual contender. The goaltending has, as unlikely as that seemed just a few months ago, become top notch, and the team is just clicking. They have the least goals against, by a pretty nice margin at that, and are number two in goals scored! At this rate, we might even have a shot at a championship this spring!

And they've done this, even though the team keeps having injury problems. I think at this point, at least three or for players are or have been on IR because of concussions, plus a whole list of other injuries. Honestly, at this point it feels like trying to keep up with whose out with what is a wasted effort.

All of which leads to me continuing to feel conflicted about the lockout. Seeing as for all that I really want to see NHL being played sometime this season, just the thought of losing our lockout NHLers makes me sad. I actually have the confidence in the team, and I think they'd do just fine with out the NHLers, since a lot of other players have been stepping up and improving, and so losing them probably wouldn't lead to an immediate clusterfuck, but there's no denying that they make the team better.

Especially Demers, who I just can not gush enough about. He's just such a huge presence on our blue line, plays 25+ minutes night in, night out, is third in the team in points scored and second in plus/minus. He's arguably the best defenseman in the entire league right now. Not to mention that he seems to like being here, fits well with the team and all the other players always talk about how well liked he is in the locker room. He's even learning finnish!

Aand that's probably enough gushing for now. 
kyyrandi: (hands)
Wednesday, October 24th, 2012 05:40 pm
 So my first appointment at the Trans clinic in Tampere was yesterday. All in all, it went well enough, for all the stressing I did before-hand.

I did manage to almost be late for it though, because my sense of direction is shit, and Tampere University Hospital (where the clinic is) is huge, and the clinic is hidden in a separate building, in what at least felt like, the farthest corner of the area. And when I say hidden, I really mean hidden; all the direction sign, which there weren't too many off, only listed the place by it's building letter, and the words 'trans outpatient clinic' could only be found on the building door, and even then, they were so small, no way could anyone tell that, unless they were standing right in front of the door (where as all the other wards and clinics in the same building where listed with much bigger font.)

Now, I get that there are issues of privacy and all that, but it just felt a bit too much. And at least to me, all that hiding made it feel like this is something one should feel somehow ashamed of.

But beyond the somewhat troublesome placement, the clinic itself was real nice. My appointment for yesterday was for a nurse, who was perhaps one of the nicest medical personals I've ever met. Mostly this first appointment was about the reasons for getting into the process as well as previous (mental) health history.

I've been somewhat worried, that because of my underlining mental issues, my process would be hindered, or stopped all together, but yesterday put a lot of that to ease. I'm still not 100% convinced that at some point someone won't say that I'm too unstable to go through such huge life changes, which, btw, would be completely bullshit, one of the reasons I've waited so long to start this thing, was so I could be sure enough, that I'm as balanced as possible, but I did get the feeling that my own opinions and feelings on the matter are heard and respected.

Like I mentioned earlier, my next appointment will be in December. That one will be with a social worker, and oh man, I couldn't be dreading that one any more. Because the point of the appointment is to go through one's family history, as well as any other major relationships in one's life, past and present. And it's the family history part of that I'm not so exited about. Because it's complicated enough that good part of the past two years I've spent in therapy have been about untangling the mess in my head. The letter I got said to reserve two hours for it, but somehow I think I wont survive in just that. Although from what I've heard, it's not exactly uncommon for that appointment to run longer anyway.
kyyrandi: (Default)
Thursday, October 18th, 2012 08:49 pm
Friend-of-a-friend friending meme of doom! // Right this way!

For starters, welcome to all my lovely new friends, and a warning: I ramble. A lot. Hopefully you'll bare with me. :)

So I may or may not have mentioned this this earlier, but about three years ago, I was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder. I'm much more prone to depression (which, I was diagnosed and hospitalized with for the first time when I was sixteen) and I've never really had a pure manic episodes in my life. Instead I've had quite a few hypomanic episodes, which are basically just a slightly more moderate version of the same. And even more than those, I've had a lot of mixed affective episodes, which is sort of like being manic and depressed at the same time.

Understandably this has caused problems in quite a few areas in my life, one of them being school. I mean when something as simple as getting out of the bed feels like an insurmountable obstacle, going to school day in, day out is sometimes completely impossible. Which has grown into a really huge problem this fall.

I'm on my last year in the school I'm currently at, and if I wanted to be able to graduate this spring, as I should, I not only couldn't miss so much as a one day in school, but I'd also have to work through every holiday break we get between here and then, plus quite a few weekends also.

All this has been piling up and adding to my stress levels, and so for the past month or so, I've been stuck in this ever worsening nightmare, where I'm not going to school because I'm having a depression episode and because I'm not going to school and constantly stressed about it, making my depression even worse.

And then this weekend, I was talking about schools with a friend of mine, and he mentioned the school he went to, and I realized that it's the perfect out of this hellish dead end I've ended up in. See, the school he went to, and to which I have a change of transferring to, is one, that specializes in helping people who have learning impairments for different reasons (for example, the friend who I spoke of it with, has ADHD).

So if I could get in, I could do the same degree I've been working on for two years now, instead of dropping out, or delaying, because I'm on a verge of needing a prolonged sick leave, if nothing changes soon, but do it in a manner and schedule, more suited to my current condition.

Also, if I got the transfer, I'd also get to move cities, a definite plus on so many levels. For one, I'd be moving to Tampere, where most of my friends, and one of my sisters, live and where I'm so much more comfortable than where I currently live. It's also the city where my trans process is happening, so moving would make that so much more easier as well, since I would have to sit in a train for two hours in one direction every time I have an appointment. Plus, I just don't like the city I live at the moment, and have wanted to move away from here for more than a year now, but haven't been able to, because of school.

And just like that, I feel like I'm slowly starting to claw my way back into health once again. Or as close to it as I'm ever going to get.

As for the other stuff mentioned; I'm trying to decide whether or not I should get tickets for the Karjala Tournament played in Turku in a couple of weeks. For those on my flist not familiar with European hockey, the Karjala Tournament is the first part of Euro Hockey Tour, played between Finland, Sweden, Russia and the Czech Republic during the regular season and leading up to the Worlds, which each country hosting a round-robin Tournament. No league games are played during the tournaments.

For the most part the EHT is consider as practice for the Worlds/Olympics, as well as a change for younger players to show the coaching staffs that they deserve a roster spot in their national teams. For one, there has already been some speculation about Barkov (the top Finnish prospect at the next years draft) maybe suiting up for our national men's team for the first time ever, which would be awesome to see.

All in all, it'd be a great change to see team Finland play live, and at a quarter of the cost that waiting for the Worlds in the spring would be. The only problem is that I'm currently pretty much broke, and even the 20 or so euros for the tickets, plus train rides there and back, might mean that I won't have any money for food next month. So.. Food, or hockey?

On the next chapter in my teams goalie situation, wherein everything is starting to get somewhat hilarious. Not only is does our "back-up" goalie have a better save percentage and goals against average (AND more shutouts, not that that's hard since Backlund is yet to record even one) than our "number one", he's also in the league top 3 in all of the previously mentioned categories, where as Backlund isn't even in the top 15 in save percentage, and is something like eight or night in GAA. And they are even in wins, with Karhunen having played in one less game.

So our back-up is better than our number one, but for some reason our couch won't face up to it, officially at least, although it's starting to feel like he does a coin toss or something, before each game to see which one will be playing, and all of it is just so very confusing.

On the plus side, Kärpät have finally started to slowly climb their way back up, after the disaster that was the start of the season, and are now third in the standings, so there's that at least.
Although I am somewhat afraid that should the lockout end, that they'll come crashing down again, since that'd mean losing Demers (who, btw, I've really come to like, but why oh why, is he a fraking Shark), who has been a real difference maker for us, especially on the PP, not to mention Turris, after which, with the current injury list a mile long, we'd be effectively without a first AND second line center. Fun times.

I'm all for NHL coming back, but oh do I ever wish that it wouldn't mean losing Demers. It's not that he's been a great player for us, but I've also really grown to like him and seeing him play with Kärpät.
kyyrandi: (Default)
Friday, October 12th, 2012 01:16 am
So since sleep seems to once again to be eluding me (getting a prescription for sleeping pills is all well and good, but that means you have to go and fill it also..) I thought I'd amuse myself by thinking up memes.

But instead of doing the traditional "people you'd sleep with" list, I thought to try something a little bit different.

Because one question which my therapist has asked on multiple occasions, when we've talked about my body image, and the problems I have with it, and how all of those relate to my trans process, is "so ideally, what would your body look like", and I've always sort of given a somewhat of a non-answer.

Ultimately, the problem, is that the reality of what my body looks like, and the fantasy of what I want it to be are so very much apart, that even trying to imagine a reasonable middle ground, the place where I feel comfortable in my own skin, seems like asking for the impossible.

But well, what the hell, it's wont kill me to give it a go at least once.
So I guess that makes this my 'people I'd wear as a meatsuit if I were a demon on Supernatural' list )
kyyrandi: (Default)
Thursday, October 11th, 2012 06:48 pm
See this is why managing updates more regularly than twice a month is a good thing; so things that you've been thinking of posting about don't just pile up until you really don't even know where to begin.

I guess saying that I got a letter from the Tampere University Hospital a week ago is as good a place as any. I'll try to make a separate post about it at some point, because Feelings (so far, I've gone from exited to panicked and scared and then back to exited again), but anyway, the point is that after months of waiting, things are finally happening regarding the trans process, and I'll have my first appointment in less than two weeks and then another one in December. I've been waiting so long, that even that much progress makes it feel like everything has at least doubled in speed all of the sudden.

The first one is with a nurse and the second one with a social worker. Besides them, I'll meet with a psychiatric and a psychologist at least once before getting the diagnose. Could be I'm forgetting someone, and I'm pretty sure there's at least two appointments with the nurse and some one else as well. Hopefully that part will be done sometime before the next summer. Fun fact, transsexualism is the only condition diagnosed and treated as a mental disorder which requires the patient to prove themselves as being totally NOT crazy before getting treatment. :p

Bad camera phone quality is bad.

So last Thursday was kind of perfect by all accounts. Not only was it the day of the arrival of the previously mentioned letter, I also went to Tampere that day and me and a friend of mine went to watch one of the local teams host Kärpät. Full disclosure, this was my first time seeing a game life, for all that I've been literally watching hockey for as long as I can remember. (The very first game I have clear memories of watching is the '95 World Championship Final. I was five correction, since I can count for shit, seven, at the time; talk about growing up with unsupported expectations. It took me a really long time to realize that such things are a great novelty, when you cheer for Team Finland.)

So no surprise, my excitement levels were somewhere up there with "five year old on Christmas Eve" levels by the time we got to the rink. And god, I'd really forgotten the smell of freshly laid ice. I mean as far as winter sports in general and especially school went, skating was always my favorite (to be fair, considering the alternative was usually cross country skiing which I loath, it didn't take that much), and it's something I haven't done in years, but now I kind of want to, as soon as the public outdoor rinks open up.

Getting back to the game itself.. IDEK, I really enjoyed the experience and all, it's was a really nice, even game with lots of goals, but Kärpät ended up losing 4-3 on overtime, despite having a two goal lead for a period and a half. Mostly because of absolutely stupid penalties the team started taking from the end of the second period and onwards. In the end, our PK had to work through two five minute majors, and the second one was just too much (having one of our Ds plus our leading point scorer ejected from the game also didn't help).

Also, the game winning goal came with about a half a minute of the overtime left, so I was doubly pissed, because I'd sort of started hoping to see Jokinen in a shootout live. Since, if we couldn't win in in regulation, there should be at least some benefits, dammit.

But all in all, I really did enjoy the game, even if cheering for the away game did feel a bit awkward at times. Mostly because our seats were in the home team's end and so of course we were surrounded by their fans. Good thing hockey fans don't have the tendency of getting into brawls, unlike football, and also it not like it was a rivalry game or anything, so I think mostly people just ignored me for the most part. :D

So, definitely going to see them again the next time Kärpät are playing in Tampere. Too bad that isn't until over a month from now..

In other Kärpät news; Kärpät most certainly do NOT have a goalie problem, part I don't even know anymore: after playing a somewhat nice and solid game on saturday, our number one goalie was pulled out of the line up at the last minute yesterday. (Which, yeay, Kärpät won, but considering they were playing against a team who is yet to won a single game on regulation this season, and is the last in the standings, it doesn't say all that much about their performance.) Like, he was announced as being in the line up when the team skated on ice, late.

Turns out, he'd said he was feeling too dizzy to play, after the warm-ups. Because of TOO LOW BLOOD SUGAR. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't taking care of your diet so that such things wouldn't happen, umm, part of your job perhaps? Isn't avoiding things like this happening the reason you have nutritional plans and shit? I mean what even?

Really want to know who the hell came up with hiring this guy. I mean a Swedish goalie, who used to play for the Flyers. In what kind of twisted mind does that sound like a good idea?

Meanwhile in the real worlds, last weekend was a somewhat spooky/crazy one. I stayed in Tampere until Sunday, and while I was there, my hometown, and especially the nearby areas where hit by record flooding, mostly because of heavy rainfalls. I don't actually live anywhere near where the worst of it hit, and I already knew that, when I read about the whole thing online on Saturday, because the closes source of water is over a kilometer away from here.

But it was somewhat shocking all the same, possibly because it came so left field. I'm originally from way up north, and as far as possible natural catastrophes go, the only thing I've learned to regard as a less likely to ever effect my life in however small way, is an earthquake.

And then to top of it all, when I was heading back home on Sunday, a friend of mine called to say that there's been a fire in my apartment building. Since I'd left the cat home, I really freaked  about that one. Luckily everything was fine, the fire hadn't spread out of the one apartment it had started in, which wasn't anywhere near to mine. Although the cat did demand some extra attention and cuddles when I got home eventually, so I guess she got spooked by the sirens and all that.

I wonder what'll happen this weekend, since I'm not home again for that either..

But not to end this post with such a downer, here's perhaps the best song/music video about queer gender identity ever made:
Plus it's just a great song, in general.
kyyrandi: (Default)
Friday, July 6th, 2012 10:36 pm
First off, to any and all, who ever consider taking a cat: DO NOT TO IT, they are horrible creatures, WHO WILL DESTROY YOUR LIFE. That is to say, I've been without a computer pretty much this whole week now, since the demon pretending to be cute and innocent little pet that is my cat took it upon herself to once again eat through my laptop's power chord. In the two years that she's been with me, that's like fourth or fifth one now. What with replacing one costing around 80€, you can probably imagine how very not pleased with it I was. Not to even mention all the headphones and phone rechargers that have become victims of the same.

Also, the month and a half vacation that I was planning to have got cut short, when after three days of it, the temp agency where I'm listed called and offered me a yet another cleaner job. And okay, it's only two to three hours a day, and I get payed for four hours of work, because that's the minimum amount that the agency will let their employees work for, but I hate it already, and because it's a night time job in just two days my sleep patterns have gone to shit, and I really could've just said no. But of course I didn't because saying no when someone's offering work is just not something you do, because that might mean you never get offered again.

Also, it might be a high time to admit to at least some levels of workaholism.
kyyrandi: (Default)
Sunday, July 1st, 2012 07:33 pm
Did not finish the Primer yet. Instead I've spent today doing nothing but procrastinating. It's just that after working on it for maybe six or seven hours yesterday (I'm good at losing the track of time when I get a flow going, alright) I needed to get some distance to it. I only have the last two years to write about, and since last year was the best ever, I want to be able to write more about it than: we won SUCK ON IT SWEDES HAHAHA, the end. Not that that still wont be what I'll end up writing anyway, but this way, I'll do it with more words.

Also, was this years WC dirtier than usually, or am I just imagining things? It just felt like there wasn't a day that went by without news of someone getting suspended because of a dirty hit. And that those suspension were longer than usual.

After nearly ten years of at least semi daily internet life, you'd think that by now one would've gotten used to people saying mean and hurtful things online. And yet I'm still surprised by it. There's not many better ways to start of a morning than to read that this years Helsinki Pride got egged and then to read comments (different news site from the one linked) with people saying stuff like "well if those queers would just stop doing these marches of theirs, they wouldn't get attacked now would they."

I mean what the hell even? I don't know which is worse, the fact that happened or that some people seem to think that the people that got hit brought it on themselves by asking for equal rights. I guess the children that got hit in the gas attack two years ago were asking for it too, right? And while throwing eggs at people might not be on the same level as throwing smoke bombs and then tear and pepper spraying them, causing injury to 88 people, youngest of them being 3 (!!!) years old, the fact that people who did that got away with a four month suspended sentence is sure to have some effect on yesterdays events. I mean if those got of as easy as that, I'm having a hard time hoping for any kind of punishment from this, except having to pay a fine.

I'm not usually one for hard prison sentences. I would however like it if our justice system would make it clear that attacking people during a peaceful demonstration is not okay. That did not happen two years ago, and it's by no means likelier to happen in this case either. If anything the message will be to go ahead and attack them, just don't cause too much of a damage.

All in all, it's a worrying trend. We've had decades long history of GLBT people holding peaceful demonstration and not getting attacked and now we get two in as nearly as many years. I'd be furious but for the part where I'm actually just too sad about it all.
kyyrandi: (Default)
Friday, June 29th, 2012 03:37 pm
My summer holiday started! A month and a half, during which I have to do absolutely nothing at all! I so very much needed it. What with working my ass off all through last summer, and then having a basically the worst year off school ever, completed with a spring of doing 12+ hour days of work and school for almost a month, I've been pretty much on a constant verge of a burnout from at least mid-May now.

But finally today I got to clean out my locker and walk out of there having caught up with all my missed classes and not have to think about going there before August. Hopefully it'll be time enough to gain back some of my motivation for even going there, since that has been the biggest problem for me the whole year. I mean at this point I'm somewhat certain that I really don't want to be a cook for the rest of my life, and that at the end of the day, it's a shitty, underpaid, over-worked profession with crazy hour. But at the same time, I only have a year at the school left. Less than that, if I stop fucking around. That really shouldn't be such a hardship. And then I'll graduate and have an actual profession, which even if I just end up going back to school to study something else, should make my life somewhat easier.

Of course, if I'm being totally honest, while the thought of doing fuck all sounds amazing right about now, I'll probably be going stir crazy from boredom in about a week. And what better way to avoid that, than to make a huge ass list of things to write about, so at no point in time can I truthfully claim, that I can't think of anything to do. So far, these include

1) Finishing the Finnish Hockey History primer, something I'm hoping to get done by the end of this week, once I really get going with it

2) Finnish Hockey primer, Players edition. This should be pretty easy one, since quite a lot of them will get their own primers some time in the future, and as such don't have to be covered in any great detail at this point. Mostly I'm having a problem with deciding on how to group them. By age? When they started playing? By what position they play? What teams they play on? There are just too many possibilities!

3) Those individual primers I just mentioned. Kind of dreading this one actually. For one thing, there's somewhat of a shortage of recourses to use, at least as far as videos and interviews in English go. Like Kari Lehtonen for example. Possibly my favorite Finnish goalie ever, but with one or at most two English vids of him out there, what exactly is there that can be used to make a complete separate primer with? You have to go on page six on a google image search to get pictures of him in which he's not all covered up in padding! (Yes, I checked.) Although, for the sake of my sanity, it might be a good thing there's not more close-up pictures of his face out there. It's not as if I have ever watch him give an interview and then realizing around half way through that I've missed most if not all of what he has said, because I was too busy staring those beautiful eyelashes of his.. I CAN'T HELP IT, THEY'RE DISTRACTINGLY LONG AND THICK AND PRETTY AND HOW IS THIS NOT THE PRETTIES SIGHT EVER..
Ahem. Where was I? Right, the primers. Another problem with these individual ones is that I have absolutely no idea how to make up my mind on the order in which to do them. I mean, sure, Tuomo Ruutu will be the very first one, no questions about it, what with being my favorite player since as long as I can remember, but as for the rest of them? From what I've seen, Tuukka Rask seems to be kind of popular name in the fandom right now, so there might be quite a lot of intrest to see a primer on him. Mikko Koivu always needs more love. Mikael Granlund enters the race for the Cutest Child on Ice title once the season starts, so obviously he's going to need a primer.. Somehow I'm starting to feel that getting bored won't really be the problem.

4) General primer on Finland and Finnish culture. I blame this solely on [personal profile] intertangled who is an enabling enabler who enablers. Truthfully, this is the one I'm least likely to ever make. I only have the one month and a half off after all. At some points I would possibly like to do things like sleep and eat, instead of writing about how we are all crazy. But just in case I get a super crazy writing flow going on and finish everything else, I'll list this one too.

Of course, there is the primer exchange challenge over at [ profile] hockeypedia that I'm planning on signing up for, which will probably effect this listing somewhat. I'm really kinda super exited for it to begin.

So since I already mentioned Tuomo Ruutu why not continue with that. See the thing is, for some time now, my reactions on whose on the national team roster at any given tournament has been either a "yes Ruutu made the team, thank you hockey gods, everything is right in the world" or a "what you mean he's not on the team, why must he be injured, it's all wrong, and nothing will ever be good again, and I shall go now and cry." He was on the team last year, we won gold; this year he couldn't make it and we got nothing. OBVIOUSLY THIS WAS THE DECIDING FACTOR.

My love for him knows no bounds. Sort of murdering some one, I don't think he could ever do anything wrong in my eyes. Even then I'd probably try and find some way of justifying his actions. Except for one thing. He plays for the Carolina Hurricanes. And having signed a contract extension this year, he's going to continue to play with them for some time. I really don't have anything against the Canes as such. I just don't know anything about them, beyond that they have baby-Skinner, and are amassing a clone Staal army. But nevertheless, the presence of Ruutu on the team has somehow resulted in me watching countless Canes videos and kind of sort of maybe following a blog about them, and all of this is making me feel like I'm Stockholming myself into liking the team. THIS IS NOT GOOD, AND I SHOULD STOP! SOMEBODY HELP ME.

When did this become my life?
kyyrandi: (Default)
Thursday, June 14th, 2012 07:36 pm
Oh god, could this month be over already. I'm doing summer school 'till the end of it, and I can't even begin to tell how much not fun it is to be spending seven hours a day, during the first heat wave of the summer, in a kitchen where the air-conditioning has either been shut off, or is broken, and the ovens are on +150 degrees celsius all day long. Plus, there's days like today when because of my part-time job I'm up at two AM, and then do a what amounts to a 12-hour work-shift, spent constantly on my feet expect for a half an hour lunch break. Fun times, for sure.

If nothing else, all of this means I have lots and lots of time to think about stuff I'd like to be blogging about. Which, not gonna lie, are very predominately hockey related.

So to start of, in no particular order. A friend of mine borrowed me the newest album by Sunrise Avenue last weekend. And the thing is, it's basically just a soundtrack for Mike Richards/Jeff Carter angst. I mean there's legit not a single song on the entire album that would not work as songs about those two pining for each other.

My personal favorites, Stormy End, from which the quote in the subject is:

And somebody help me

While on the subject of sirs Carts and Richie. They're the sole reason, why legions of evil plot bunnies of doom are running on a rampage in my head, and have been for more than a week now. The absolute worst of those, got set loose on tuesday, when I read the interview Richards had given after the win about how oh-so-special it was to give the cup to his best friend and how he'd been dreaming about for so long and so worth. And then, 'cause my mind is evil, EVIL I'm telling you, I got to thinking, how much of an epic angst fic it'd be if someone were to write an AU, where Carter never got traded to Kings, who ended up winning the cup without him. And then Richards being all "this is so bittersweet, SOMETHINGS MISSING YOU GUYS, I CAN'T DEAL" at which point he has to go to Carter - possibly with Stanley, because no matter what, he wants to share it with him - who then goes all "Yeah, good for you, but I'm having too much feelings about seeing you lift the cup and not being right there with you and I CAN'T DEAL." And then sad angsty, somewhat (passive)aggressive porn ensues.
So like I said. EVIL. It's not like I could ever write that, what with the waterworks almost brought on by writing the above. I'm not sure I'd even read it if I saw someone else had done it (yeah, ok, that a lie. I'd read it and the cry the whole time wondering how such a thing could be allowed to exist.) WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME HEAD.

Anyway, to wrap up the Carts/Richie portion of this post, a (maybe not so) quick note on the Jimmy Kimmel Live show the Kings did. Which, the whole thing might possible be the definition of all things awesome. Firstly, Carter elbowing Doughty when asked about whose drunk at the moment! Quick being all "no-biggie" about their porn-star fan! Mitchell planning to take Stanley on a mountain! Brown's kids! Quick, that amount of adorableness has to be illegal!

So anyway, back to Richards and Carter. Who, pretty much from start to finish, seem to either have forgotten that they're in front of a live camera, or they've just stopped caring. I mean, Richards has HIS HAND UNDERNEATH CARTER'S ASS for practically the entire show. Oh, what's that you say? The seats were really crowded? Funny then, how the rest of the team managed to fit just fine, without sitting half in each other's laps. Also, you're not being very subtle with those constant shoulder pumps either.

Lastly, on a slightly more serious note. I'd just like to make a note of who the team named, when asked about who had been partying it up the hardest. And let's be honest here, is there anyone who thought that in no way would the answer be Carter and/or Richie? Although it was quite clear to see that Doughty certainly was the drunkest of the bunch(not counting Quick.) Of course it might mean nothing. Very possibly Doughty's an even more of a party boy. Maybe Carts and Richie can't keep up with the youngsters. Perhaps they just need to rest for a while, before partying the rest of the summer like it's '99.
Or then again it could mean something. Maybe LA has slowed them down a bit. Or you know, they weren't actually all that wild and out of control to begin with. Obviously, we're never going to know the truth, but I think it's something to pause over regardless.

Oh, and one more thing. THANK YOU HOCKEY GODS NEITHER OF THEM HAVE FORGOTTEN HOW TO SHAVE! Especially Carter. Also, almost didn't recognize Zompitar without the beard.

So onto still hockey, but not Kings related issues. I discovered Cabbie Richards tsn podcasts yesterday. And then felt great joy thinking about how I'd finally found something to occupy my mind at work, beside how it's a place of soul-sucking suck(the part-time job mentioned at the start of the post. Which is temping as a cleaner for a couple of fast-food places.) Of course the problem being that it's a five hour-shift and each episode is proximately an hour long and since there's not that many of them, I'll have worked through my back-log by tomorrow. And then I'll have to go back to the suck. Oh well.

But as to the show itself, there's just not enough words to describe it. I mean once you get used to reporters who, well, aren't either horrible fucks who should not be allowed to open their mouths in the presence of other people, let alone in front of a tv camera, or as memorable as a table napkin(at some point I'm going to have to do a post about finnish sports and hockey media, and why exactly I have so many Issues with it, really). And now I have Simply the Best stuck playing in my head, and I'm having a hard time continuing this post without quoting it. Possibly a sign that I should be just going to sleep already.

But before, just a few observations about the podcasts and random hockey news I've read today. First of. JEFFREY LUPUL'S VOICE. I HAVE NO WORDS. Just, it might very well possibly be the most beautiful voice of everyone, ever. Having that be almost the first human voice you hear at three am, when you're running late and everything sucks, makes life have meaning again.

Oh, Canucks. Why? Just why? I mean sure taking Raymond to arbitration might not be all bad news, what with if I understand correctly, that actually means he's more likely to stay with the team, but did you really have to announce it today. On the anniversary of his broken back? You couldn't wait 'till like tomorrow? Love ya all, but sometimes I really do wonder why. Also, still no news on Salo. Would you please just sign him on already.

Both Teemu Selänne and Martin Brodeur will both decide by July 1, if they are going to continue their careers still. I'm slightly morbidly curious which of them would end up getting more media coverage, it they'd announce their retirement around the same time. Not that I really think that's going to happen, mostly 'cause I'm starting to think short of losing both legs, Selänne is really not all that likely to retire. And I suspect him of being in possession of the Fountain of Youth. Or he's secretly a vampire. Then there's the possibility of ritualistically sacrificing the remainder of Getzlaf's hair to the hockey gods.

And now I really, really should be going to sleep.