kyyrandi: (Default)
Thursday, October 18th, 2012 08:49 pm
Friend-of-a-friend friending meme of doom! // Right this way!

For starters, welcome to all my lovely new friends, and a warning: I ramble. A lot. Hopefully you'll bare with me. :)

So I may or may not have mentioned this this earlier, but about three years ago, I was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder. I'm much more prone to depression (which, I was diagnosed and hospitalized with for the first time when I was sixteen) and I've never really had a pure manic episodes in my life. Instead I've had quite a few hypomanic episodes, which are basically just a slightly more moderate version of the same. And even more than those, I've had a lot of mixed affective episodes, which is sort of like being manic and depressed at the same time.

Understandably this has caused problems in quite a few areas in my life, one of them being school. I mean when something as simple as getting out of the bed feels like an insurmountable obstacle, going to school day in, day out is sometimes completely impossible. Which has grown into a really huge problem this fall.

I'm on my last year in the school I'm currently at, and if I wanted to be able to graduate this spring, as I should, I not only couldn't miss so much as a one day in school, but I'd also have to work through every holiday break we get between here and then, plus quite a few weekends also.

All this has been piling up and adding to my stress levels, and so for the past month or so, I've been stuck in this ever worsening nightmare, where I'm not going to school because I'm having a depression episode and because I'm not going to school and constantly stressed about it, making my depression even worse.

And then this weekend, I was talking about schools with a friend of mine, and he mentioned the school he went to, and I realized that it's the perfect out of this hellish dead end I've ended up in. See, the school he went to, and to which I have a change of transferring to, is one, that specializes in helping people who have learning impairments for different reasons (for example, the friend who I spoke of it with, has ADHD).

So if I could get in, I could do the same degree I've been working on for two years now, instead of dropping out, or delaying, because I'm on a verge of needing a prolonged sick leave, if nothing changes soon, but do it in a manner and schedule, more suited to my current condition.

Also, if I got the transfer, I'd also get to move cities, a definite plus on so many levels. For one, I'd be moving to Tampere, where most of my friends, and one of my sisters, live and where I'm so much more comfortable than where I currently live. It's also the city where my trans process is happening, so moving would make that so much more easier as well, since I would have to sit in a train for two hours in one direction every time I have an appointment. Plus, I just don't like the city I live at the moment, and have wanted to move away from here for more than a year now, but haven't been able to, because of school.

And just like that, I feel like I'm slowly starting to claw my way back into health once again. Or as close to it as I'm ever going to get.

As for the other stuff mentioned; I'm trying to decide whether or not I should get tickets for the Karjala Tournament played in Turku in a couple of weeks. For those on my flist not familiar with European hockey, the Karjala Tournament is the first part of Euro Hockey Tour, played between Finland, Sweden, Russia and the Czech Republic during the regular season and leading up to the Worlds, which each country hosting a round-robin Tournament. No league games are played during the tournaments.

For the most part the EHT is consider as practice for the Worlds/Olympics, as well as a change for younger players to show the coaching staffs that they deserve a roster spot in their national teams. For one, there has already been some speculation about Barkov (the top Finnish prospect at the next years draft) maybe suiting up for our national men's team for the first time ever, which would be awesome to see.

All in all, it'd be a great change to see team Finland play live, and at a quarter of the cost that waiting for the Worlds in the spring would be. The only problem is that I'm currently pretty much broke, and even the 20 or so euros for the tickets, plus train rides there and back, might mean that I won't have any money for food next month. So.. Food, or hockey?

On the next chapter in my teams goalie situation, wherein everything is starting to get somewhat hilarious. Not only is does our "back-up" goalie have a better save percentage and goals against average (AND more shutouts, not that that's hard since Backlund is yet to record even one) than our "number one", he's also in the league top 3 in all of the previously mentioned categories, where as Backlund isn't even in the top 15 in save percentage, and is something like eight or night in GAA. And they are even in wins, with Karhunen having played in one less game.

So our back-up is better than our number one, but for some reason our couch won't face up to it, officially at least, although it's starting to feel like he does a coin toss or something, before each game to see which one will be playing, and all of it is just so very confusing.

On the plus side, Kärpät have finally started to slowly climb their way back up, after the disaster that was the start of the season, and are now third in the standings, so there's that at least.
Although I am somewhat afraid that should the lockout end, that they'll come crashing down again, since that'd mean losing Demers (who, btw, I've really come to like, but why oh why, is he a fraking Shark), who has been a real difference maker for us, especially on the PP, not to mention Turris, after which, with the current injury list a mile long, we'd be effectively without a first AND second line center. Fun times.

I'm all for NHL coming back, but oh do I ever wish that it wouldn't mean losing Demers. It's not that he's been a great player for us, but I've also really grown to like him and seeing him play with Kärpät.
kyyrandi: (Default)
Friday, October 12th, 2012 01:16 am
So since sleep seems to once again to be eluding me (getting a prescription for sleeping pills is all well and good, but that means you have to go and fill it also..) I thought I'd amuse myself by thinking up memes.

But instead of doing the traditional "people you'd sleep with" list, I thought to try something a little bit different.

Because one question which my therapist has asked on multiple occasions, when we've talked about my body image, and the problems I have with it, and how all of those relate to my trans process, is "so ideally, what would your body look like", and I've always sort of given a somewhat of a non-answer.

Ultimately, the problem, is that the reality of what my body looks like, and the fantasy of what I want it to be are so very much apart, that even trying to imagine a reasonable middle ground, the place where I feel comfortable in my own skin, seems like asking for the impossible.

But well, what the hell, it's wont kill me to give it a go at least once.
So I guess that makes this my 'people I'd wear as a meatsuit if I were a demon on Supernatural' list )
kyyrandi: (Default)
Thursday, October 11th, 2012 06:48 pm
See this is why managing updates more regularly than twice a month is a good thing; so things that you've been thinking of posting about don't just pile up until you really don't even know where to begin.

I guess saying that I got a letter from the Tampere University Hospital a week ago is as good a place as any. I'll try to make a separate post about it at some point, because Feelings (so far, I've gone from exited to panicked and scared and then back to exited again), but anyway, the point is that after months of waiting, things are finally happening regarding the trans process, and I'll have my first appointment in less than two weeks and then another one in December. I've been waiting so long, that even that much progress makes it feel like everything has at least doubled in speed all of the sudden.

The first one is with a nurse and the second one with a social worker. Besides them, I'll meet with a psychiatric and a psychologist at least once before getting the diagnose. Could be I'm forgetting someone, and I'm pretty sure there's at least two appointments with the nurse and some one else as well. Hopefully that part will be done sometime before the next summer. Fun fact, transsexualism is the only condition diagnosed and treated as a mental disorder which requires the patient to prove themselves as being totally NOT crazy before getting treatment. :p

Bad camera phone quality is bad.

So last Thursday was kind of perfect by all accounts. Not only was it the day of the arrival of the previously mentioned letter, I also went to Tampere that day and me and a friend of mine went to watch one of the local teams host Kärpät. Full disclosure, this was my first time seeing a game life, for all that I've been literally watching hockey for as long as I can remember. (The very first game I have clear memories of watching is the '95 World Championship Final. I was five correction, since I can count for shit, seven, at the time; talk about growing up with unsupported expectations. It took me a really long time to realize that such things are a great novelty, when you cheer for Team Finland.)

So no surprise, my excitement levels were somewhere up there with "five year old on Christmas Eve" levels by the time we got to the rink. And god, I'd really forgotten the smell of freshly laid ice. I mean as far as winter sports in general and especially school went, skating was always my favorite (to be fair, considering the alternative was usually cross country skiing which I loath, it didn't take that much), and it's something I haven't done in years, but now I kind of want to, as soon as the public outdoor rinks open up.

Getting back to the game itself.. IDEK, I really enjoyed the experience and all, it's was a really nice, even game with lots of goals, but Kärpät ended up losing 4-3 on overtime, despite having a two goal lead for a period and a half. Mostly because of absolutely stupid penalties the team started taking from the end of the second period and onwards. In the end, our PK had to work through two five minute majors, and the second one was just too much (having one of our Ds plus our leading point scorer ejected from the game also didn't help).

Also, the game winning goal came with about a half a minute of the overtime left, so I was doubly pissed, because I'd sort of started hoping to see Jokinen in a shootout live. Since, if we couldn't win in in regulation, there should be at least some benefits, dammit.

But all in all, I really did enjoy the game, even if cheering for the away game did feel a bit awkward at times. Mostly because our seats were in the home team's end and so of course we were surrounded by their fans. Good thing hockey fans don't have the tendency of getting into brawls, unlike football, and also it not like it was a rivalry game or anything, so I think mostly people just ignored me for the most part. :D

So, definitely going to see them again the next time Kärpät are playing in Tampere. Too bad that isn't until over a month from now..

In other Kärpät news; Kärpät most certainly do NOT have a goalie problem, part I don't even know anymore: after playing a somewhat nice and solid game on saturday, our number one goalie was pulled out of the line up at the last minute yesterday. (Which, yeay, Kärpät won, but considering they were playing against a team who is yet to won a single game on regulation this season, and is the last in the standings, it doesn't say all that much about their performance.) Like, he was announced as being in the line up when the team skated on ice, late.

Turns out, he'd said he was feeling too dizzy to play, after the warm-ups. Because of TOO LOW BLOOD SUGAR. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't taking care of your diet so that such things wouldn't happen, umm, part of your job perhaps? Isn't avoiding things like this happening the reason you have nutritional plans and shit? I mean what even?

Really want to know who the hell came up with hiring this guy. I mean a Swedish goalie, who used to play for the Flyers. In what kind of twisted mind does that sound like a good idea?

Meanwhile in the real worlds, last weekend was a somewhat spooky/crazy one. I stayed in Tampere until Sunday, and while I was there, my hometown, and especially the nearby areas where hit by record flooding, mostly because of heavy rainfalls. I don't actually live anywhere near where the worst of it hit, and I already knew that, when I read about the whole thing online on Saturday, because the closes source of water is over a kilometer away from here.

But it was somewhat shocking all the same, possibly because it came so left field. I'm originally from way up north, and as far as possible natural catastrophes go, the only thing I've learned to regard as a less likely to ever effect my life in however small way, is an earthquake.

And then to top of it all, when I was heading back home on Sunday, a friend of mine called to say that there's been a fire in my apartment building. Since I'd left the cat home, I really freaked  about that one. Luckily everything was fine, the fire hadn't spread out of the one apartment it had started in, which wasn't anywhere near to mine. Although the cat did demand some extra attention and cuddles when I got home eventually, so I guess she got spooked by the sirens and all that.

I wonder what'll happen this weekend, since I'm not home again for that either..

But not to end this post with such a downer, here's perhaps the best song/music video about queer gender identity ever made:
Plus it's just a great song, in general.
kyyrandi: (Default)
Sunday, September 23rd, 2012 09:04 pm

Since apparently that's what all the cool kids are doing nowadays. ;)

Kärpät got their first win of the season on Wednesday, blowing out Ässät 6-0. Finally! Jokinen got a goal in his first game back, which was also the first powerplay goal for Kärpät this season. And it came in the third period of a game which were the ref was constantly giving out penalties like they were candy, so while there clearly has been some improvement with the PP, it's still not all that great. At least our penalty kill is working somewhat better, and Kärpät are currently third in the league in that.

The goalie situation continues to be a question mark. So far our official starter Backlund has played just one game of the four games played, with his backup, Karhunen, taking the grease for the rest of the time. So far the official word has been that Backlund has some back issues, which don't keep him from playing should there be the need for it, but because no one wants him to risk an actual injury, he's resting for now.
Thing is, based on the three games, Karhunen has really showed that he might be up to challenging Backlund for the starting position soon enough. And from the comments that our coach made after yesterday's game it sure sounded like that might be the case if Backlund doesn't get his ass in gear real soon. Which is somewhat interesting since up until now he has maintained that Backlund is his guy, for all that he has shown the tendency to crack under pressure when it matters the most.

Of course then yesterday's game was something of a two steps back, as Kärpät lost 1-3 against Tappara. I'm still trying to hand on to some optimism. If nothing else, the team didn't just fall apart in the third period, like they did in the season opener, and by all accounts they really made Tappara work for the win. There's a difference in losing because the other team simply was better this time, as opposed because you couldn't make anything about your own game work, so there is that at least.

Then there's also our kids, of whom I've really liked what I've seen so far. As a whole our team is a really young one this year and it at least feels like barely half the team has even reached 20 yet. I've really liked what I've seen of Miikka Salomäki so far. A nineteen year old, whose a winger on our second line, he was drafted by the Preds last year. He has had some problems in previous season with letting his temper get the better of him and making bad checks but at least so far it seems like he has maybe matured a bit, and getting a lot cleaner with his play.

Just because I like spreading highlight videos around:

Plus, he's a real charmer. (Could saying that make me feel any more like a creeper? lol)

Our number one defensive prospect Ville Pokka (drafted second round by the Islanders this summer) has been out of the line up, because of concussion he got during pre-season games, but he did play with our juniors yesterday and is should be back with the team on Tuesday, so really looking forward to that as well.

Now, if only there was someway we'd get Rinne to play with the team for the lockout.. (Which, a damn near impossibility as there's just no way the team could manage the insurance payment's Rinne's contract would require, but a guy can still dream.)

I usually listen to a local radio channel do pre/post game shows online, even when I have money enough to pay to watch them (the channel that airs all games is stupid and you have to pay 12€ for a single game pass on their site, and since free streams for SM-liiga are pretty non-existent, it's the only way, if one wants picture to go with the sound), because they have a lot more coverage and do better interviews, and it's making me weirdly nostalgic.
Like I said in a previous update, I don't live anywhere near Oulu, where Kärpät play. I used to live a lot closer though, before I moved away about five years ago because of school and work and because Northern Finland doesn't really have all that many options on either one. I don't miss living there all that much, it's nothing but dark and cold up there. It's just I haven't had this much exposure to the northern accents of Finnish in a long while, so hence the nostalgia. There's just sort of "these are my people and they speak my language" kind of feel to it, I guess.
It's weird, the things you find you are missing..

The good news of the week; a friend of mine just agreed to go with me to see Kärpät when they come to play Ilves in Tampere on the 4th, so I'm actually seeing them in just over a week! The lockout is just going to stay in place until then, I want to see Jokinen and Demers in action, dammit. :D
kyyrandi: (Default)
Tuesday, September 18th, 2012 01:26 am
 So way back when I started this blog, I mentioned that I'm starting a female-to-male trans process, and would maybe be writing about it at times. Thought that now would be as good a time as any to make good on that.

Now, since Finland is a socialist country we have a free, public health care, which covers the treatments required for a trans-process. There are two specialized transgender health programs, which treat all the trans-people of Finland, one at the Helsinki University Hospital and one at the Tampere University Hospital. Not surprisingly, that means that actually getting an appointment at either place, doesn't really happen overnight.

For one, you'll need to be referred there by a doctor, any GP will do. In theory, getting one should be easy enough, all you have to do is to go to a doctor, tell them that you identify yourself as a trans, and after asking bunch of questions, mostly related to your basic health, the doctor will write a medical statement and sent it to either policlinic, and then you get notified once they have received it. After that you just wait for them to let you know when the first appointment will be.

In theory at least, and fortunately for me personally that's pretty much how easily that part of it went (my GP said he'd written these statements before also, so he had some idea about how to go about it, even if he did ask some stupid questions), but many trans people will run into their first roadblocks at this point. For one, it's not in any way uncommon for the "patient" to be more informed than the doctor, starting with not knowing where should trans patients be referred to or where to sent the statements. There are doctors who'll try to just send trans people to a psychiatrist, claiming that they are just mentally ill. In some cases a doctor may try to refuse to do anything, which, not something they're allowed to do and would be consider malpractice, but well.. Usually pointing this out will be enough to get the statement out of even the most ignoramus of country doctors.

Point being, that when making the decision of starting the medical portion of the trans process, one really needs to be aware of what their rights are, and what can and can't the doctors ask of them. Fortunately we have a really well organized advocacy group for transgendered and intersexual people, on whose site there is a really good and simple document on all the things one should know when seeking to be referred, so the information is out there.

So now you have gotten referred. You've heard for either the Tampere University Hospital or the Helsinki University Hospital (Tampere is the likelier option for most people, as Helsinki mostly treats just people living on or near the Greater Helsinki area.) The appointment should be any day now, right?
Sadly, not quite so. Centering the care in only two places means that the waiting lists are long. So at this point, one will just have to settle down and wait. And we are talking months here. I was referred to Tampere in May, and beyond getting notified that they had received my file about two weeks after my doctors appointment, I've yet to hear so much as a peak from them. Wasn't really expecting to at least until late August either, but now I'm really getting to the point where checking the mail is a daily exercise in swallowing disappointment. I'm not the most patient person and every day that nothing happens my frustration grows and grows.

Something that at the moment isn't helped at all by two of my friends who started the process about a year earlier than I did. For most part, is really great having close friends who are going through something this huge and life altering about the same time you are, as you really can't get the same kind of support from anywhere else, but right now, with both of them having been on testosterone since spring, and the physical changes caused by that are starting to become really obvious. I just can't help the jealousy when I hear how much lower their voice has gotten or when they speak about spotting the first facial hair. And that just makes me hate my own ugly high voice and baby smooth chin all the more.

Then there's of course my body, which is about as feminine as you can get, what with having big breast and wide hips. Maybe if I could hold any kind of notion that I'd have a change of passing for a man as things are currently, the waiting might be somewhat easier. Or not. At the very least I wouldn't feel the need to start yelling every time I hear myself being spoken about as a woman. (Question for any cis-gendered person reading this, do you ever notice how much that is done. Not just using male or female pronouns, but stuff like speaking about how some one is such a funny gal or awesome guy and such?)

So that's where I am with my process currently. Waiting. The only good thing is, that my waiting really should be coming to and end sometime in the next two months. Finland has had a law since 2005 about guaranteed treatment, which states that all non-urgent medical conditions requiring specialized care, should be started within six months of being discovered. For me the deadline for that will pass in November. Hopefully I won't have to wait quite that long however. Even if it's starting to feel like any waiting is becoming too much.

And that's all for now, since I really need to be sleeping already. I'll try to get around to doing another post soon enough about what'll happen once I actually get the appointment. For now, I'm more than happy to answer any and all questions any one has so feel free to shoot them.
kyyrandi: (Default)
Monday, September 17th, 2012 10:31 pm
Not that I'm happy about lockout or anything, but thanks to it, I'm once again exited for the SM-Liiga season and have hopes for my team actually even winning some games.

Because on Saturday, it sure didn't look like it. At that point, we had lost two of our top defensemen, before the season even started. One to "mild" concussion, and the official word has been that he'll return next week, for two weeks now, so in other words, who the hell knows when. The other needed leg surgery, and will be gone for four to six months. And then at the season opener our first line center got slashed on the wrist and will likely need surgery too, so no word yet on how long he'll be gone.

And then there's of course our goaltending which can be described as not good at best, and our coaching blows, and there aren't many good words that can be said about our management. Oh and lest I forget, there's the absolute horror show that is our power play. The season opener started with a five minute major, during which Kärpät managed a grand total of THREE SHOTS ON GOAL (!!) none of which had even a change of going past an actual competent goalie. In the second game of the season total of 23 power play minutes resulted in not a single goal.

Which, is kind of where we get to the root of the problem. Because Kärpät don't score. And then they don't score some more. In the two games played so far (both of which they've lost) they've totaled for three goals. And when you add all those problems on the ice to the ever growing injury list and the fact that our coach prefers keeping his head in the sand pretending nothing's wrong and our guys are battling great, then well. It sure looked like this will be a really bleak year for Kärppä fans.

And then the lockout happened, and as much as I hate that it did, I will grab any positive side effect it has on SM-Liiga and especially my team and run with them. Because the first SM-Liiga related news about the NHL player exodus was that Jussi Jokinen was coming to play for Kärpät starting Wednesday. I might've squealed when I first heard about that. Top six forward, who can play center? Why yes, that was exactly what we were in a desperate need of. And then it was reported that Jason Demers might be coming over to play for us as well, and what you know, our injury plagued defense got bolstered as well.

And suddenly I'm exited for hockey again. Also, I should have a chance to see them play live in three weeks, meaning that I'm pretty much like a kid on the day before christmas. Living 500 kilometers away from the team you support really sucks.

As for other lockout side effects, there's been talk that Selänne might come to play for Jokerit, should the lockout become a long one. I'm some what pessimistic about this happening, and somewhat hoping that it doesn't mostly because the sooner the lockout ends the better. But the latest What We've Learned on Puck Daddy changed my mind somewhat.

Reading about Northern American hockey fans lamenting about maybe not getting to see him play for one more time, made me think about the other side of that particular coin. How many finnish hockey fans have grown up hearing about how Selänne is the greatest finnish hockey player ever born? And just for how many seeing him play live if only just once in their life would be the greatest thing ever? North America has had him for nineteen years, would it really be such a great tragedy to give him back for a month?

Besides, Getzlaf still has some hair left so Selänne will be able to use those as a voodoo sacrifice next spring, meaning that he'll be back for the 2013-14 season.
kyyrandi: (Default)
Wednesday, August 29th, 2012 08:36 pm
Saw first tv ad for the upcoming season yesterday, yeah! I don't even know why, because with the pre-season having been in full swing for weeks now, it really shouldn't, but it didn't really hit home how soon the season is starting before that. Only like couple of weeks left.

So what better way to celebrate that, than another primer. Here's one on Mikko Koivu, the captain of Minnesota Wilds, and Mikael Granlund, their top prospect.

First off, this was supposed to be a short, quick look on who these two Minnesota Wild players are, and why are they shippy together. Which it still is, except for the short and quick part. But in any case, it's done now, so let's just get right to it, shall we?

As a disclaimer: All pictures were found using the google image search, and I don't own any of them. If you wish to be credited just let me know and it shall happen. The same goes for youtube videos.

This way to the primer )
kyyrandi: (Default)
Thursday, August 23rd, 2012 10:55 pm
I'm actually thinking about signing up for the [ profile] hockeybigbang . Which, is really not something that I should do, since writing challenges always just make me choke up and panic and I end up unable to do anything, even in the cases where I already had a working draft to start with..

It's just I've been doodling with an idea for a Koivu/Granlund fic, which seems like it could end up being reasonably long and sort of perfect for a big bang. And also, the more people being exposed to the pairing the better. (Seriously, they're pretty much the Finnish version of Staal/Skinner pairing, so you know, age difference angst with some added moodiness. Also long-distance feels.. What more could you want?)

So maybe, for once, I could turn this into a motivation to write the god damn thing for real.

While on the subject of things that are crazy. Someone please tell me that trying to get someone to lend me a car for tomorrow so I could ride 200 kilometer just to watch an exhibition hockey game is not worth it. Especially when I really don't have the money for it. Not even to see Rinne in the grease.
kyyrandi: (Default)
Saturday, August 18th, 2012 02:51 pm
So the great thing about being a european hockey fan (besides not having to be so completely and overly worried about a potential lockout) is that it's already almost time for season opener! Less than a month in fact! And the pre-season games have already started!

.. Expect I'm having hard time trying to feel exited about the upcoming season, since my team is continuing doing what they've done for a couple of years already, by which I mean sucking. So far, they've played three games, and lost all of them. Sure it's just the pre-season, but it still isn't very confidence inducing. I mean they had a total of minute and a half worth of 5 on 3 advantage in one game, and couldn't score a single goal in that time, what even! I don't care about how well you're dominating the game, you need to score some goals to win!

Also, their coach continues to be complete ass, who can't admit when the team needs to improve. It was infuriating when he was coaching our national team to not win, and it's infuriating now. I mean focusing on the positive is one thing, but staying stuff like "we had some great presence out there tonight and really gave it our all", when you've just lost 6-0, is just sticking your head in the sand.
And yet, he does so like to find faults in our national teams current head coaches performance, even when the team is winning. Remind me, which one of you was the one to coach the team to it's second ever world championships in his third year of coaching and which was the one you couldn't deliver the same in his five years as the bench boss? Wasn't you? Then shut the hell up.

Why was this guy hired in the first place? I mean it wasn't like he'd just gotten fired by another team, due to them being at the bottom of the standings, prior to coming to work for you? Oh he was.. Well, I guess they were having some financial issues then, that we they to literally scrape the bottom of the barrel. What was that? One of the richest teams in the league? So why the hell do they have such a suck-y coach then?!

Remember the time when we won the championship four times in five years? 'Cause I do. And I'd really, really like to go back to that, instead of maybe barely making it to the playoffs, never mind getting past the first round..

On other news, I'm thiiis close to finishing the Finnish Hockey Primer. Sorry it's been taking so long, my summer ended up being a lot busier than I had planned, and as such I haven't have all that much time to work on it. But I am hoping to send it of for beta reading by tomorrow night.
kyyrandi: (Default)
Wednesday, August 1st, 2012 06:46 pm

For my prompt at the

[ profile] hockeypediaprimerfest, I chose the LA Kings' incredible goaltender Jonathan Quick. For most part this will be a pretty straight forward vidspam, but before getting to that, let's take a brief look at his

Career so far )

kyyrandi: (Default)
Friday, July 6th, 2012 10:36 pm
First off, to any and all, who ever consider taking a cat: DO NOT TO IT, they are horrible creatures, WHO WILL DESTROY YOUR LIFE. That is to say, I've been without a computer pretty much this whole week now, since the demon pretending to be cute and innocent little pet that is my cat took it upon herself to once again eat through my laptop's power chord. In the two years that she's been with me, that's like fourth or fifth one now. What with replacing one costing around 80€, you can probably imagine how very not pleased with it I was. Not to even mention all the headphones and phone rechargers that have become victims of the same.

Also, the month and a half vacation that I was planning to have got cut short, when after three days of it, the temp agency where I'm listed called and offered me a yet another cleaner job. And okay, it's only two to three hours a day, and I get payed for four hours of work, because that's the minimum amount that the agency will let their employees work for, but I hate it already, and because it's a night time job in just two days my sleep patterns have gone to shit, and I really could've just said no. But of course I didn't because saying no when someone's offering work is just not something you do, because that might mean you never get offered again.

Also, it might be a high time to admit to at least some levels of workaholism.
kyyrandi: (Default)
Sunday, July 1st, 2012 07:33 pm
Did not finish the Primer yet. Instead I've spent today doing nothing but procrastinating. It's just that after working on it for maybe six or seven hours yesterday (I'm good at losing the track of time when I get a flow going, alright) I needed to get some distance to it. I only have the last two years to write about, and since last year was the best ever, I want to be able to write more about it than: we won SUCK ON IT SWEDES HAHAHA, the end. Not that that still wont be what I'll end up writing anyway, but this way, I'll do it with more words.

Also, was this years WC dirtier than usually, or am I just imagining things? It just felt like there wasn't a day that went by without news of someone getting suspended because of a dirty hit. And that those suspension were longer than usual.

After nearly ten years of at least semi daily internet life, you'd think that by now one would've gotten used to people saying mean and hurtful things online. And yet I'm still surprised by it. There's not many better ways to start of a morning than to read that this years Helsinki Pride got egged and then to read comments (different news site from the one linked) with people saying stuff like "well if those queers would just stop doing these marches of theirs, they wouldn't get attacked now would they."

I mean what the hell even? I don't know which is worse, the fact that happened or that some people seem to think that the people that got hit brought it on themselves by asking for equal rights. I guess the children that got hit in the gas attack two years ago were asking for it too, right? And while throwing eggs at people might not be on the same level as throwing smoke bombs and then tear and pepper spraying them, causing injury to 88 people, youngest of them being 3 (!!!) years old, the fact that people who did that got away with a four month suspended sentence is sure to have some effect on yesterdays events. I mean if those got of as easy as that, I'm having a hard time hoping for any kind of punishment from this, except having to pay a fine.

I'm not usually one for hard prison sentences. I would however like it if our justice system would make it clear that attacking people during a peaceful demonstration is not okay. That did not happen two years ago, and it's by no means likelier to happen in this case either. If anything the message will be to go ahead and attack them, just don't cause too much of a damage.

All in all, it's a worrying trend. We've had decades long history of GLBT people holding peaceful demonstration and not getting attacked and now we get two in as nearly as many years. I'd be furious but for the part where I'm actually just too sad about it all.
kyyrandi: (Default)
Friday, June 29th, 2012 05:22 pm
I can't believe this is actually done. I can't thank [personal profile] thefourthvine enough, for taking my jumbled second-language English and making something sensible out of it. None of this would make nearly as much sense as it does, if it wasn't for you. I really and truly could not have asked for a better beta.

Also, as a heads-up: this here is a very word heavy, possibly somewhat overly long primer. If you're just looking for a picspam, I'm sad to say that you're in the wrong place. Hopefully, it's still enjoyable regardless.

With that being said, let's get to it

kyyrandi: (Default)
Friday, June 29th, 2012 03:37 pm
My summer holiday started! A month and a half, during which I have to do absolutely nothing at all! I so very much needed it. What with working my ass off all through last summer, and then having a basically the worst year off school ever, completed with a spring of doing 12+ hour days of work and school for almost a month, I've been pretty much on a constant verge of a burnout from at least mid-May now.

But finally today I got to clean out my locker and walk out of there having caught up with all my missed classes and not have to think about going there before August. Hopefully it'll be time enough to gain back some of my motivation for even going there, since that has been the biggest problem for me the whole year. I mean at this point I'm somewhat certain that I really don't want to be a cook for the rest of my life, and that at the end of the day, it's a shitty, underpaid, over-worked profession with crazy hour. But at the same time, I only have a year at the school left. Less than that, if I stop fucking around. That really shouldn't be such a hardship. And then I'll graduate and have an actual profession, which even if I just end up going back to school to study something else, should make my life somewhat easier.

Of course, if I'm being totally honest, while the thought of doing fuck all sounds amazing right about now, I'll probably be going stir crazy from boredom in about a week. And what better way to avoid that, than to make a huge ass list of things to write about, so at no point in time can I truthfully claim, that I can't think of anything to do. So far, these include

1) Finishing the Finnish Hockey History primer, something I'm hoping to get done by the end of this week, once I really get going with it

2) Finnish Hockey primer, Players edition. This should be pretty easy one, since quite a lot of them will get their own primers some time in the future, and as such don't have to be covered in any great detail at this point. Mostly I'm having a problem with deciding on how to group them. By age? When they started playing? By what position they play? What teams they play on? There are just too many possibilities!

3) Those individual primers I just mentioned. Kind of dreading this one actually. For one thing, there's somewhat of a shortage of recourses to use, at least as far as videos and interviews in English go. Like Kari Lehtonen for example. Possibly my favorite Finnish goalie ever, but with one or at most two English vids of him out there, what exactly is there that can be used to make a complete separate primer with? You have to go on page six on a google image search to get pictures of him in which he's not all covered up in padding! (Yes, I checked.) Although, for the sake of my sanity, it might be a good thing there's not more close-up pictures of his face out there. It's not as if I have ever watch him give an interview and then realizing around half way through that I've missed most if not all of what he has said, because I was too busy staring those beautiful eyelashes of his.. I CAN'T HELP IT, THEY'RE DISTRACTINGLY LONG AND THICK AND PRETTY AND HOW IS THIS NOT THE PRETTIES SIGHT EVER..
Ahem. Where was I? Right, the primers. Another problem with these individual ones is that I have absolutely no idea how to make up my mind on the order in which to do them. I mean, sure, Tuomo Ruutu will be the very first one, no questions about it, what with being my favorite player since as long as I can remember, but as for the rest of them? From what I've seen, Tuukka Rask seems to be kind of popular name in the fandom right now, so there might be quite a lot of intrest to see a primer on him. Mikko Koivu always needs more love. Mikael Granlund enters the race for the Cutest Child on Ice title once the season starts, so obviously he's going to need a primer.. Somehow I'm starting to feel that getting bored won't really be the problem.

4) General primer on Finland and Finnish culture. I blame this solely on [personal profile] intertangled who is an enabling enabler who enablers. Truthfully, this is the one I'm least likely to ever make. I only have the one month and a half off after all. At some points I would possibly like to do things like sleep and eat, instead of writing about how we are all crazy. But just in case I get a super crazy writing flow going on and finish everything else, I'll list this one too.

Of course, there is the primer exchange challenge over at [ profile] hockeypedia that I'm planning on signing up for, which will probably effect this listing somewhat. I'm really kinda super exited for it to begin.

So since I already mentioned Tuomo Ruutu why not continue with that. See the thing is, for some time now, my reactions on whose on the national team roster at any given tournament has been either a "yes Ruutu made the team, thank you hockey gods, everything is right in the world" or a "what you mean he's not on the team, why must he be injured, it's all wrong, and nothing will ever be good again, and I shall go now and cry." He was on the team last year, we won gold; this year he couldn't make it and we got nothing. OBVIOUSLY THIS WAS THE DECIDING FACTOR.

My love for him knows no bounds. Sort of murdering some one, I don't think he could ever do anything wrong in my eyes. Even then I'd probably try and find some way of justifying his actions. Except for one thing. He plays for the Carolina Hurricanes. And having signed a contract extension this year, he's going to continue to play with them for some time. I really don't have anything against the Canes as such. I just don't know anything about them, beyond that they have baby-Skinner, and are amassing a clone Staal army. But nevertheless, the presence of Ruutu on the team has somehow resulted in me watching countless Canes videos and kind of sort of maybe following a blog about them, and all of this is making me feel like I'm Stockholming myself into liking the team. THIS IS NOT GOOD, AND I SHOULD STOP! SOMEBODY HELP ME.

When did this become my life?
kyyrandi: (Default)
Wednesday, June 27th, 2012 07:56 pm
..this however will not be it.

So Hillary Clinton is visiting Finland. A fact of which I was reminded hourly, at the least, while listening to the radio at work today. Mostly the whole thing was just stupidly over covered by every single Finnish media outlet possible but there was the one moment of utter hilarity, of reading about how our Minister of Foreign Affairs, Erkki Tuomioja, who looks like a overly nice sixty year old grandpa, while actually being a really sharp minded far-left wing politician and social activist, gave Clinton a Finnish designer bag as a present. Exactly the same one, that he has himself, expect in different color.

I'm not usually one to go for gender stereotypes, since they're usually wrong and just make life harder, but just the public image that Tuomioja has as a no-nonsense, hard-ass, makes the image of him buying and using what's essentially women's accessory all kinds of hilarious. And also awesome.

There's an article on about the big questions of this years free agency, and part of it had to do with speculation about Ryan Suter and Shea Weber in which one of the points was that they might both of them want to re-sign with the Predators, so they could stay there with Pekka Rinne. I know it's kind of a thing for d-men to develop in to inseparable duos / married guys (yes, Duncs and Seabsie, I am talking about you) but since when have goalies been part of the equation. Of course, at this point my mind went to the gutter where it's natural habitat is, and came up with all sorts of reasons why all three of them would want to play on the same team. Hockey reporters, PLEASE STOP GIVING ME PLOT BUNNIES!

Everyone should go and watch Joffrey Lupul cover the NHL awards for Yahoo! Sport. For one thing, hockey players being awkward on camera will never not be cute and awesome.

Talking with Bettman and making bad jokes, which is refusing to embed so have a link instead.

Also, as a side note, I'm still not over how ridiculously attractive voice Lupul has.

The Saga of Canucks Goalie Problems continues. If something doesn't happen soon about it, I'm going to start breaking in hives. With the way things are going, I wouldn't be surprised if we ended up starting the season with no goalie at all. HAVING TWO GREAT GOALIES SHOULD NOT BE A LEGIT PROBLEM, YOU GUYS!
kyyrandi: (hands)
Monday, June 25th, 2012 02:49 pm
 Naturally, the damn near only time anything happens during the off-season had to be during Midsummer. Which was kind of crazy, what with hanging out by a bond-fire on a beach until around seven or eight AM, when we finally ran out of alcohol. Which is why I was extremely hung-over when I finally got around to checking the draft-news. At which point it really dawned on my, just how much of a sap I've become because Teräväinen being so well and truly exited about going to the Hawks was pretty much the cutest thing ever. Also, just how much of a crush on PKane does he have?

Speaking of scheduling conflicts. The Blackhawks and the Wilds are playing they're season openers almost exactly the same time. Normally this wouldn't matter at all, because I really couldn't give a damn about the Wilds as a team, but. Assuming Granlund makes it to the team straight from training camp, which, considering how much they've been dying to have him, it's not all that unlikely, I'd kinda really want to watch his first ever NHL-game. Especially when I won't probably end up watching him play all that much. But then I really, really want to see the Hawks season opener as well. Not to mention that 'Nucks are playing their first game on a weekday, and since it's going to be around four AM here when the game even starts, there's really no use to even think about going to school if I want to see it. Which I do.

Sometimes I wonder, why on earth I'm so into this game..

Like when I'm working on my Finnish hockey history -primer. For one thing, the whole thing has gotten somewhat out of hand, and is sort of huge. The needs to be cut into parts kinda huge. But the biggest problem with it, is that I'm soon getting to year 1995 and after that nothing but Painful and Heartbreaking things happen for the next sixteen years and I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THEM. 'cept for the part where I started a primer which includes talking about them. So just how stupid am I? So the end-result is that writing it is really slow going at the moment, and I'm having trouble motivating myself to do anything about that. Help?
Maybe we could all agree to wipe the 2006 from history, yes? At least the rest of it is more or less bearable.

On not hockey related stuff. Finally went and saw the Prometheus a week ago. It was bad. Really, really bad. Starting with the way the movie had more holes in it's plot than swiss cheese. And Ridley Scott might use a lesson in other ways of creating tension on screen besides dark rooms with bright flashing lights. Granted, it wasn't on the migraine inducing levels that the original Alien had, but could've done with out them anyway. But the worst of it was the amount of badly motivated characters that had somehow all managed to get crammed into just one movie.

The truly annoying thing is that I almost didn't go at all, because all the bad reviews it had been getting. I was on the fence about it for almost a month, and just when I'd decided that I could just as well wait for the dvd a friend told that it wasn't really all that bad, and that combined with being really bored resulted in changing my mind one last time. And now I just wish that I hadn't. Maybe next time, when I'm thinking if I should risk 12 euros on a movie that's likely to suck, I'll remember to not.

kyyrandi: (Default)
Thursday, June 14th, 2012 07:36 pm
Oh god, could this month be over already. I'm doing summer school 'till the end of it, and I can't even begin to tell how much not fun it is to be spending seven hours a day, during the first heat wave of the summer, in a kitchen where the air-conditioning has either been shut off, or is broken, and the ovens are on +150 degrees celsius all day long. Plus, there's days like today when because of my part-time job I'm up at two AM, and then do a what amounts to a 12-hour work-shift, spent constantly on my feet expect for a half an hour lunch break. Fun times, for sure.

If nothing else, all of this means I have lots and lots of time to think about stuff I'd like to be blogging about. Which, not gonna lie, are very predominately hockey related.

So to start of, in no particular order. A friend of mine borrowed me the newest album by Sunrise Avenue last weekend. And the thing is, it's basically just a soundtrack for Mike Richards/Jeff Carter angst. I mean there's legit not a single song on the entire album that would not work as songs about those two pining for each other.

My personal favorites, Stormy End, from which the quote in the subject is:

And somebody help me

While on the subject of sirs Carts and Richie. They're the sole reason, why legions of evil plot bunnies of doom are running on a rampage in my head, and have been for more than a week now. The absolute worst of those, got set loose on tuesday, when I read the interview Richards had given after the win about how oh-so-special it was to give the cup to his best friend and how he'd been dreaming about for so long and so worth. And then, 'cause my mind is evil, EVIL I'm telling you, I got to thinking, how much of an epic angst fic it'd be if someone were to write an AU, where Carter never got traded to Kings, who ended up winning the cup without him. And then Richards being all "this is so bittersweet, SOMETHINGS MISSING YOU GUYS, I CAN'T DEAL" at which point he has to go to Carter - possibly with Stanley, because no matter what, he wants to share it with him - who then goes all "Yeah, good for you, but I'm having too much feelings about seeing you lift the cup and not being right there with you and I CAN'T DEAL." And then sad angsty, somewhat (passive)aggressive porn ensues.
So like I said. EVIL. It's not like I could ever write that, what with the waterworks almost brought on by writing the above. I'm not sure I'd even read it if I saw someone else had done it (yeah, ok, that a lie. I'd read it and the cry the whole time wondering how such a thing could be allowed to exist.) WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME HEAD.

Anyway, to wrap up the Carts/Richie portion of this post, a (maybe not so) quick note on the Jimmy Kimmel Live show the Kings did. Which, the whole thing might possible be the definition of all things awesome. Firstly, Carter elbowing Doughty when asked about whose drunk at the moment! Quick being all "no-biggie" about their porn-star fan! Mitchell planning to take Stanley on a mountain! Brown's kids! Quick, that amount of adorableness has to be illegal!

So anyway, back to Richards and Carter. Who, pretty much from start to finish, seem to either have forgotten that they're in front of a live camera, or they've just stopped caring. I mean, Richards has HIS HAND UNDERNEATH CARTER'S ASS for practically the entire show. Oh, what's that you say? The seats were really crowded? Funny then, how the rest of the team managed to fit just fine, without sitting half in each other's laps. Also, you're not being very subtle with those constant shoulder pumps either.

Lastly, on a slightly more serious note. I'd just like to make a note of who the team named, when asked about who had been partying it up the hardest. And let's be honest here, is there anyone who thought that in no way would the answer be Carter and/or Richie? Although it was quite clear to see that Doughty certainly was the drunkest of the bunch(not counting Quick.) Of course it might mean nothing. Very possibly Doughty's an even more of a party boy. Maybe Carts and Richie can't keep up with the youngsters. Perhaps they just need to rest for a while, before partying the rest of the summer like it's '99.
Or then again it could mean something. Maybe LA has slowed them down a bit. Or you know, they weren't actually all that wild and out of control to begin with. Obviously, we're never going to know the truth, but I think it's something to pause over regardless.

Oh, and one more thing. THANK YOU HOCKEY GODS NEITHER OF THEM HAVE FORGOTTEN HOW TO SHAVE! Especially Carter. Also, almost didn't recognize Zompitar without the beard.

So onto still hockey, but not Kings related issues. I discovered Cabbie Richards tsn podcasts yesterday. And then felt great joy thinking about how I'd finally found something to occupy my mind at work, beside how it's a place of soul-sucking suck(the part-time job mentioned at the start of the post. Which is temping as a cleaner for a couple of fast-food places.) Of course the problem being that it's a five hour-shift and each episode is proximately an hour long and since there's not that many of them, I'll have worked through my back-log by tomorrow. And then I'll have to go back to the suck. Oh well.

But as to the show itself, there's just not enough words to describe it. I mean once you get used to reporters who, well, aren't either horrible fucks who should not be allowed to open their mouths in the presence of other people, let alone in front of a tv camera, or as memorable as a table napkin(at some point I'm going to have to do a post about finnish sports and hockey media, and why exactly I have so many Issues with it, really). And now I have Simply the Best stuck playing in my head, and I'm having a hard time continuing this post without quoting it. Possibly a sign that I should be just going to sleep already.

But before, just a few observations about the podcasts and random hockey news I've read today. First of. JEFFREY LUPUL'S VOICE. I HAVE NO WORDS. Just, it might very well possibly be the most beautiful voice of everyone, ever. Having that be almost the first human voice you hear at three am, when you're running late and everything sucks, makes life have meaning again.

Oh, Canucks. Why? Just why? I mean sure taking Raymond to arbitration might not be all bad news, what with if I understand correctly, that actually means he's more likely to stay with the team, but did you really have to announce it today. On the anniversary of his broken back? You couldn't wait 'till like tomorrow? Love ya all, but sometimes I really do wonder why. Also, still no news on Salo. Would you please just sign him on already.

Both Teemu Selänne and Martin Brodeur will both decide by July 1, if they are going to continue their careers still. I'm slightly morbidly curious which of them would end up getting more media coverage, it they'd announce their retirement around the same time. Not that I really think that's going to happen, mostly 'cause I'm starting to think short of losing both legs, Selänne is really not all that likely to retire. And I suspect him of being in possession of the Fountain of Youth. Or he's secretly a vampire. Then there's the possibility of ritualistically sacrificing the remainder of Getzlaf's hair to the hockey gods.

And now I really, really should be going to sleep.
kyyrandi: (Default)
Friday, June 8th, 2012 06:05 pm
 So once upon a time, some eight years ago (whoah, really didn't think it has been so long already. I feel old now) an angsty Finnish teenaged girl made a blog on Livejournal. In it, she wrote about all the angsty things that teenagers then to write about. And also about some non-angsty as well. Pretty much everything from fangirling obsessively to contemplating the meaning of life. The usual stuff.

Anyway, years went by and the blog saw her through high school, the divorce of her parents, getting diagnosed with depression and being hospitalized for it for the first time. And also the good stuff, graduating high school, the road to defining her sexuality, moving on her own, the start of a first serious relationship. Things that make a life, basically.

And then little over three years ago, the blog went dead silent. It wasn't sudden or probably entirely unexpected, as the updates had been coming with less and less frequency. There wasn't any particular reason for it. At least not one that can't be labeled under the all consuming banner of Real Life. It happens.

And yes, that Finnish girl was me. Personally, I never really considered the blog dead, even if the latest entry in it is from february 2009. I mean, I always meant to get back to it. Someday. I never even made any kind of conscious decision to put it on hiatus. But the fact remains, that I never did get around to it.

But then a couple of weeks ago, mostly out of sheer boredom, I ended up making myself a tumblr account. One thing lead to another, and before I knew it, I was logging on at least daily, following blogs and tags and what have you. I even wrote a blog entry! For the first time in over three years. And while doing all off this, I remembered all the things I had liked about blogging and having an active net life, outside of having twenty+ friends on facebook.

And so finally I came to decide to give this blogging thing another try. But how and where? I suppose the easiest thing to do, would've probably been to just take up using my old livejournal account again. It is still active after all. But more I though about that, more uncomfortable with the idea I got. The thing is, during those three years that I wasn't using that account, a lot of things happened, that shaped the way I see and define my self. One of those was my depression diagnosis getting changed to that of bipolarity disorder. The other one was accepting myself as a transgender male.

All in all, it just came down to not being even remotely the same person I was when I first made that account. I'm not even the same one I was when I made what was to become the last post made to it. And while I'd never consider deleting or purging that account, because I want to keep the memories of being that person, I can't bring myself to actively using it anymore, since it feels like trying to bring life back to something that has earned to be allowed to rest in peace. So finally I decided to start over completely from starch. And that's how this account came in to being.

Someone might ask, why start with all that. But the thing is, for me, the beginning is always the hardest part. During the years between then and now, there actually was one or two attempts of starting a completely new blog somewhere else, which never amounted to anything, simply because I didn't know where to start. So, why not start with how things ended. It seemed logical enough. It is after all, much easier trying to see where you're going, once you know where you've been.

Now all that remains, is the actual issue of where the hell I am indeed going. Mostly I except there to be huge amounts of nerding and fanboying over all of those Larger than Life things like movies, hockey, tv show and what not. Beyond that, my f-t-m reassignment process is about to start in the fall at the latest, so I'm trying to keep this blog up to date on that. So there'll probably be writings on Finnish health care, gender theory and the sort amongst all the squeeing.

So I guess that's it for now. Truthfully, at this point I'm just trying and hoping to manage to update at least somewhat regularly. Wish me luck.