kyyrandi

 So my first appointment at the Trans clinic in Tampere was yesterday. All in all, it went well enough, for all the stressing I did before-hand.

I did manage to almost be late for it though, because my sense of direction is shit, and Tampere University Hospital (where the clinic is) is huge, and the clinic is hidden in a separate building, in what at least felt like, the farthest corner of the area. And when I say hidden, I really mean hidden; all the direction sign, which there weren't too many off, only listed the place by it's building letter, and the words 'trans outpatient clinic' could only be found on the building door, and even then, they were so small, no way could anyone tell that, unless they were standing right in front of the door (where as all the other wards and clinics in the same building where listed with much bigger font.)

Now, I get that there are issues of privacy and all that, but it just felt a bit too much. And at least to me, all that hiding made it feel like this is something one should feel somehow ashamed of.

But beyond the somewhat troublesome placement, the clinic itself was real nice. My appointment for yesterday was for a nurse, who was perhaps one of the nicest medical personals I've ever met. Mostly this first appointment was about the reasons for getting into the process as well as previous (mental) health history.

I've been somewhat worried, that because of my underlining mental issues, my process would be hindered, or stopped all together, but yesterday put a lot of that to ease. I'm still not 100% convinced that at some point someone won't say that I'm too unstable to go through such huge life changes, which, btw, would be completely bullshit, one of the reasons I've waited so long to start this thing, was so I could be sure enough, that I'm as balanced as possible, but I did get the feeling that my own opinions and feelings on the matter are heard and respected.

Like I mentioned earlier, my next appointment will be in December. That one will be with a social worker, and oh man, I couldn't be dreading that one any more. Because the point of the appointment is to go through one's family history, as well as any other major relationships in one's life, past and present. And it's the family history part of that I'm not so exited about. Because it's complicated enough that good part of the past two years I've spent in therapy have been about untangling the mess in my head. The letter I got said to reserve two hours for it, but somehow I think I wont survive in just that. Although from what I've heard, it's not exactly uncommon for that appointment to run longer anyway.

See this is why managing updates more regularly than twice a month is a good thing; so things that you've been thinking of posting about don't just pile up until you really don't even know where to begin.

I guess saying that I got a letter from the Tampere University Hospital a week ago is as good a place as any. I'll try to make a separate post about it at some point, because Feelings (so far, I've gone from exited to panicked and scared and then back to exited again), but anyway, the point is that after months of waiting, things are finally happening regarding the trans process, and I'll have my first appointment in less than two weeks and then another one in December. I've been waiting so long, that even that much progress makes it feel like everything has at least doubled in speed all of the sudden.

The first one is with a nurse and the second one with a social worker. Besides them, I'll meet with a psychiatric and a psychologist at least once before getting the diagnose. Could be I'm forgetting someone, and I'm pretty sure there's at least two appointments with the nurse and some one else as well. Hopefully that part will be done sometime before the next summer. Fun fact, transsexualism is the only condition diagnosed and treated as a mental disorder which requires the patient to prove themselves as being totally NOT crazy before getting treatment. :p



Bad camera phone quality is bad.

So last Thursday was kind of perfect by all accounts. Not only was it the day of the arrival of the previously mentioned letter, I also went to Tampere that day and me and a friend of mine went to watch one of the local teams host Kärpät. Full disclosure, this was my first time seeing a game life, for all that I've been literally watching hockey for as long as I can remember. (The very first game I have clear memories of watching is the '95 World Championship Final. I was five correction, since I can count for shit, seven, at the time; talk about growing up with unsupported expectations. It took me a really long time to realize that such things are a great novelty, when you cheer for Team Finland.)

So no surprise, my excitement levels were somewhere up there with "five year old on Christmas Eve" levels by the time we got to the rink. And god, I'd really forgotten the smell of freshly laid ice. I mean as far as winter sports in general and especially school went, skating was always my favorite (to be fair, considering the alternative was usually cross country skiing which I loath, it didn't take that much), and it's something I haven't done in years, but now I kind of want to, as soon as the public outdoor rinks open up.

Getting back to the game itself.. IDEK, I really enjoyed the experience and all, it's was a really nice, even game with lots of goals, but Kärpät ended up losing 4-3 on overtime, despite having a two goal lead for a period and a half. Mostly because of absolutely stupid penalties the team started taking from the end of the second period and onwards. In the end, our PK had to work through two five minute majors, and the second one was just too much (having one of our Ds plus our leading point scorer ejected from the game also didn't help).

Also, the game winning goal came with about a half a minute of the overtime left, so I was doubly pissed, because I'd sort of started hoping to see Jokinen in a shootout live. Since, if we couldn't win in in regulation, there should be at least some benefits, dammit.

But all in all, I really did enjoy the game, even if cheering for the away game did feel a bit awkward at times. Mostly because our seats were in the home team's end and so of course we were surrounded by their fans. Good thing hockey fans don't have the tendency of getting into brawls, unlike football, and also it not like it was a rivalry game or anything, so I think mostly people just ignored me for the most part. :D

So, definitely going to see them again the next time Kärpät are playing in Tampere. Too bad that isn't until over a month from now..

In other Kärpät news; Kärpät most certainly do NOT have a goalie problem, part I don't even know anymore: after playing a somewhat nice and solid game on saturday, our number one goalie was pulled out of the line up at the last minute yesterday. (Which, yeay, Kärpät won, but considering they were playing against a team who is yet to won a single game on regulation this season, and is the last in the standings, it doesn't say all that much about their performance.) Like, he was announced as being in the line up when the team skated on ice, late.

Turns out, he'd said he was feeling too dizzy to play, after the warm-ups. Because of TOO LOW BLOOD SUGAR. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't taking care of your diet so that such things wouldn't happen, umm, part of your job perhaps? Isn't avoiding things like this happening the reason you have nutritional plans and shit? I mean what even?

Really want to know who the hell came up with hiring this guy. I mean a Swedish goalie, who used to play for the Flyers. In what kind of twisted mind does that sound like a good idea?


Meanwhile in the real worlds, last weekend was a somewhat spooky/crazy one. I stayed in Tampere until Sunday, and while I was there, my hometown, and especially the nearby areas where hit by record flooding, mostly because of heavy rainfalls. I don't actually live anywhere near where the worst of it hit, and I already knew that, when I read about the whole thing online on Saturday, because the closes source of water is over a kilometer away from here.

But it was somewhat shocking all the same, possibly because it came so left field. I'm originally from way up north, and as far as possible natural catastrophes go, the only thing I've learned to regard as a less likely to ever effect my life in however small way, is an earthquake.

And then to top of it all, when I was heading back home on Sunday, a friend of mine called to say that there's been a fire in my apartment building. Since I'd left the cat home, I really freaked  about that one. Luckily everything was fine, the fire hadn't spread out of the one apartment it had started in, which wasn't anywhere near to mine. Although the cat did demand some extra attention and cuddles when I got home eventually, so I guess she got spooked by the sirens and all that.

I wonder what'll happen this weekend, since I'm not home again for that either..

But not to end this post with such a downer, here's perhaps the best song/music video about queer gender identity ever made:
Plus it's just a great song, in general.